Grief and Joy

 November 9, 2026

    The past few days I was feeling very sad over losses in my family.  A lot of people dont understand grief and expect you to "get over it" quickly.  Truth is grief has no time limit.  I was feeling sad and wrote to my adult children.  For which they indicated that I still had them and my grandchildren.  They are right.  But I still felt sad over those that arent here anymore.  

   One thing that they stressed in Grief Share is that we will have a "new normal"  It takes time to get to that.   

    Yesterday in church we sang the song, "Redeemed"  The words really hit home.  "I am not who I once was, I am redeemed"  Yes! I am not a sister or a daughter anymore.  Redeemed has the meaning of "the old way of living no longer define who you are."   I am a mom and a grammy/grandma.  I have to really think on who I am now.  A new normal for my life.  Though prayer and Bible reading, I will find out.  I do feel a lot better and the sadness is lessened.  I have more joy now.  

I am back. Memory stories.

 It has been a few years since I have been here.  Life changing events.  Life changing words.  "Dad fell, it's bad"  "Colon cancer" "Brain cancer"   I was a caregiver from February 19, 2019 until July 3, 2024.  These stories will be shared along with my life stories.  I will be sharing my joys, my sorrows, my memories, my life in the upcoming blog posts.    Until then, remember to pray about everything and read your Bible every day.  

~Laurie

Kindness and Compassion, Always

 Its been a while since I have written.  

Life has been busy.  The loss of my father in law.  My fathers fall and the spiralling of his health and wheel chair and walker bound.  For two years he needed me to care for him.  The selling of my dads house and now my brother has cancer.  

My brother has just me and my children and grandchildren in life.  Cancer is not cheap.  Quite costly infact.  I care and do whatever my brother needs to get through this battle.  This is what the Bible says to do and what God expects.

Compassion, help others, always show kindness. Pray for others

There is a prisioner who gets cancer treatment where my brother goes.  

Cancer.  Painful, sickly, saddening, 

This man is cuffed in his hands and his feet.  Such a sorrowful face.  

Just as my brothers sad face and bone thin body.  Limping because he had a total hip replacement years ago.  

My brother is also is on the Autism spectrum.  Aspbergers which affects his communication especially in groups of people.  This makes cancer even harder for him.  1000 little details being thrown at him.  so much information to keep track of.  It is even overwhelming for me.  But that is why I am there, sitting, at every meeting and dr visit.  

My brother and this prisoner that I see, need compassion.  Kindness.  

No matter what.  Prayers.  

I see people, christian people joking about others in the world.  Jokes about what others do wrong. 

being negative, then they say,  "oh I am just joking"

this is wrong!  Bible says this is wrong.  Everyone, no matter who, need

compassion and kindness.  Its what the Bible says to do.   

Focus on the good, holy, positive.  Bible says to do this too.  

Dont joke!  Pray for them.  Pray! for those who believe different than you.

Show love by being kind and compassionate.

Love

Not jokes.  

:If you cant say something nice, dont say anyhting at all.

Be kind aways

be compassionate always

show love always.

Pray for others, always.

KINDNESS, COMPASSION AND PRAYERS TO OTHERS, ALWAYS!

READ THE BIBLE EVERYDAY.  PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.  

Lifes Jouneys

      Last week was an great week for me.  I had a really bad panic/anxiety attack that I thought I should tell my doctor about, and he could prescribe something.  But I felt he would not believe me and I really don't want to "take another pill."   The cause of my anxiety is because of two people who conned and used my husband and I.  Liars and thieves, they are.  I do have a lot of anger and hurt towards them, well I did.  I have been praying.  Giving it to God.  He has my back. He will deal with them.  I have to trust this.  I have to trust God.  So now I pray.  The anxiety left and I had a wonderful week.  I felt so good.  One day I did have really bad migraine and all that goes along with that.  But it passed.  God has been teaching me little lessons all week.  The biggest thing that I learned is that when in a situation that affects us, God will teach little lessons along the way.  As long as we keep our focus on him and not let the situation rule us.  At first I was so angry with these people, angry with my husband.  I also felt conned by my husband.  Lies to me even before the other two were in my life.  The harm my husband did to my children and grandchildren.  The whole situation with so many different irritants and hurts.  My regrets of my marriage.  I did marry him, and divorce is not an option...not really.  God has my back.  He will handle all my struggles and hurts.   So at first when these two (three) stole and used us and my hubby enabled them to do so, I was raging angry.  God had to work on me with my anger.  Now almost two years later, God has taught me to just "let it go".  For the past four months I have been trying to make up the anger I showed to the two people.  Apologizing.  Their thing is they don't want to defend themselves or talk it out.  No responses or appreciation towards me.  I let them know that all is well with me now.  I just want to get along and be friends. 
      One lesson that keeps coming up is to be kind...TO EVERYONE!  Kindness. So I am working on kindness. 
        There is a preacher in Tennessee that I love.  His name is Cory, and he pastors Experience (something) church in Murfreesboro, TN.  He did a sermon on Family.  It was so good.  All of his sermons are good.  The one thing that stood out was wives are to respect their husbands.  Respect...don't talk badly of them.  Give the hurts to God.  Let him handle it.  Be kind.  Also, don't gossip.   kind and say kind things.  Give the negative to God.   He said a lot that really hit home in my heart. 
            I learned that God teaches little lessons as we grow and when our hearts change.  It is a process.  A journey.  I couldn't go from RAGE to Kindness.  It had to be a process and I had to learn why and how.  Journeys. 
          Last Sunday, my pastor's wife talked of the prodical son story in the Bible.  He welcomed his son back who had wasted all of his wealth.  But he did not exclude the son who stayed home and did as he should.  There was also a song that we sang that said, "The world is as it should be"  One line in a song that just jumped out at me.  Why get angry or hurt by those who are lost and blind.  They know not what they do.  God can work in peoples lives.  We are to just be kind and share Jesus Christ by the way we live.  I read somewhere that "We may be the only Bible they read"  We are the examples, The lights, the candles. 
         My son reminded me of who I was.  He read previous blogs and reminded me of the horrible person I was.  I am not that person anymore.  God used my wonderful son to remind me that I am not the person anymore. 
        My pastor, Dan, at Dayspring Christian Church in Knightdale, North Carolina, has been doing a series on journeys in the Bible.  The Bible is full of "journeys."   Life is full of journeys.  Pastor Dan's sermons are always good and seem timely for what I personally need to hear.  God is so good.  His doing this series has made me really think about "journeys" and the reasons and purpose of them all.  As I said, the Bible is full of journeys.  Life is full of journeys too.  PRAISE GOD!

            

GOD IS ALWAYS TEACHING US

       Whenever you hear the same message, sermon, devotion topic, etc... over and over....it is God teaching us something we need to learn, or relearn or something we need to work on. 
       I have been hearing the same topic to be KIND to others.  Today, I read Titus 3 and once again, it told me to be kind.  We may be the only Bible that other's "read".  We need to set a Godly example with our lives.  Anger does not set a good example.  I get so upset (and angry) because people don't act like they are supposed to.  Self mindedness...treating other badly.  But getting angry only caused me ulcers and anxiety and panic attacks.   All we can do is state facts to others in a loving way.  Tell them what the Bible says.  Share our story to help others.  If they don't listen, it is not us they are rejecting, they are rejecting God.  The Bible says to just brush the dust off our shoes and move on.  The Bible also says to keep doing good.  Don't cause a harm for a harm.  Just keep on being kind.  Sometimes we just have to be silent and let God deal with a hurt that someone has caused on us.  We are also to tell God about how we feel. Pray pray pray.  Don't talk to others and bad mouth someone who has cause harm or sinned, that is gossup.   These are all things that I personally need to work on.  I feel that if I don't get angry or let someone know they have done wrong, then are getting away with hurting me.  It's not fair.  But this is not God's way.   Be kind and keep doing good.  That's God's way. 

Titus

3; Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, ² to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

³ At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. ⁴ But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, ⁵ he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, ⁶ whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷ so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. ⁸ This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.
⁹ But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. ¹⁰ Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

MY PAST IS MY PAST

I AM NOT WHO I USED TO BE

   I have a past that I am so ashamed of.  I want everyone to know that I am not that person who I was when I did shameful things.  I will never do those things again.  God has forgiven me and HE has forgotten them.  I would like to forget them as well.  But that is hard to do. 

1986

1986

A very memorable year for me.  I was happily married and we had a four year old little girl.  I wanted another baby.  A baby Joshua.  1986 I was pregnant with my baby Joshua.  My favorite song for that year was Madonna's, "I'm keeping my baby"  It happened to be the number one song for the year.  Madonna and I were born on the same day.  So I like her and she sings well. 

I watched the video today and it brought back so many memories of that year, and another time in my life when I  was so in love and found myself pregnant.  I married the guy of that haunting time of life.  It was 1978.   I had wanted to be a mommy ever since I was 8 years old.  Here I was pregnant.  But I felt no hope and was in fear of losing my job.  The shame of  being pregnant and not married.  We were both young, he was VERY young.  Marriage was not an option.  Three years later, marriage was the answer, and so we married.    I watched the video and cried.  Why wasn't I bold to say to everyone,  "I'M KEEPING MY BABY! I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOMMY. IT IS ALL I WANTED IN LIFE."    God did give me three children.  Five pregnancies.  The first one, I gave back to God.  The horror and shame that I felt for  so many years.  My biggest regret in life.  I also had a miscarriage, but didn't know I was pregnant until then.  That was a blessing, (another long story) but God had my back.  I think back to the days of my youth and I would not change a thing.  I wish I had kept the baby, but now I truly understand God's forgiveness.  He loves me.   My husband passed away and even though we had a rocky marriage, I cherish it.  I miss him a lot.  A whole new life began a year after he died...another long story for later.  

My baby is with Jesus and that's all that matters.  He loves all the little children.  .


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G333Is7VPOg