1986

1986

A very memorable year for me.  I was happily married and we had a four year old little girl.  I wanted another baby.  A baby Joshua.  1986 I was pregnant with my baby Joshua.  My favorite song for that year was Madonna's, "I'm keeping my baby"  It happened to be the number one song for the year.  Madonna and I were born on the same day.  So I like her and she sings well. 

I watched the video today and it brought back so many memories of that year, and another time in my life when I  was so in love and found myself pregnant.  I married the guy of that haunting time of life.  It was 1978.   I had wanted to be a mommy ever since I was 8 years old.  Here I was pregnant.  But I felt no hope and was in fear of losing my job.  The shame of  being pregnant and not married.  We were both young, he was VERY young.  Marriage was not an option.  Three years later, marriage was the answer, and so we married.    I watched the video and cried.  Why wasn't I bold to say to everyone,  "I'M KEEPING MY BABY! I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOMMY. IT IS ALL I WANTED IN LIFE."    God did give me three children.  Five pregnancies.  The first one, I gave back to God.  The horror and shame that I felt for  so many years.  My biggest regret in life.  I also had a miscarriage, but didn't know I was pregnant until then.  That was a blessing, (another long story) but God had my back.  I think back to the days of my youth and I would not change a thing.  I wish I had kept the baby, but now I truly understand God's forgiveness.  He loves me.   My husband passed away and even though we had a rocky marriage, I cherish it.  I miss him a lot.  A whole new life began a year after he died...another long story for later.  

My baby is with Jesus and that's all that matters.  He loves all the little children.  .


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G333Is7VPOg

"The Rest of the Story"

        Eighty one years ago a lady named Ruth gave birth to twins. It was December third, in the year of our Lord, nineteen thirty three.  The twins were not due for quite some time.  The first baby was a girl, Jan who was so tiny and fragile.  Then arrived a tiny baby boy, Thomas.  Sadly Thomas only lived for a short time.  Ruth was a nurse and she did everything she knew to take care of her precious miracle.  You see back in those days a premature infant did not survive.  Jan was a miracle.  God had a plan.  Ruth raised her daughter to be a God honoring lady.  Ruth herself was a very God honoring wife and mother.  Jan had a good example to follow. 
      Jan survived and had a childhood on a farm.  She went off to college, where she fell in love and later married.  A few years passed and she welcomed a baby daughter.  Fast forward in time, at the age of nineteen this daughter found herself pregnant.  She was not married and was very scared.  She saw no solution or hope for the situation except to terminate the pregnancy.  Jan being a follower of Christ, knew it was wrong.  She tried to talk to her daughter, but the daughter didn't listen.  She prayed and prayed about it.  She felt much guilt because she thought she taught her daughter to make better choices.  Jan was hurting so she called her mother and shared her  painful feelings.  Ruth told her a story that gave her some comfort.  A story of forgiveness and comfort. 
       Years went by and Jan's daughter was battling shame on a daily basis.  She would pray and tell God she wanted her baby back.  The guilt was overwhelming.  She told her mother that she regretted her decision to kill her first child.  It was then that Jan told her daughter her grandmother's story.
      When Ruth found out she was pregnant, it was a very poor time for her family.  The timing was wrong.  So being a nurse, she knew of a medicine that could possibly terminate her pregnancy.  It didn't work...or did it?  Then when it was too soon for the babies to be born, she went into labor.  She felt a over baring guilt and shame for many years because her babies came so early and her husband's son had died.  She loved her little Jan dearly and tended to her to keep her alive.  She rejoiced daily as tiny Jan got bigger and stronger. 
But inside Ruth felt God was angry with her.  She learned through scripture reading that God loves her dearly and that He knows we make mistakes.  This is why he sent his son to die for us.  She had known this all her life and was thankful that God reminded her. 
    You see Jan feared that her mother would shun her daughter.  But it was not the case.  Ruth loved her granddaughter even more.  She taught her granddaughter that Jesus loves us no matter what!  She taught her by her example of how a Godly woman should be. A loving and serving wife and mother. 
        
     My grandmother was the most loving person I have ever known.  Everything she did was showing love.  I miss her hugs.  Hugs from a grandparent are very warming.  This is why I love hugging my grandchildren.  My grandmother was the most Godly woman I knew.  My mother was very Godly too and she had a good teacher.  My grandmother loved my mom dearly.  Mom was very precious to my grandma.  My grandma loved each of her daughters with all of her heart. 
Mom passed away 10 years ago as I was sitting beside her.  I was sitting and just listening to her deep breathing..lost in my own thoughts when all of the sudden it was very quiet. 

    Thank you Lord for my grandma, who loved her little miracle.  Thank you Lord for my mom who would have been eighty one today.