1986

1986

A very memorable year for me.  I was happily married and we had a four year old little girl.  I wanted another baby.  A baby Joshua.  1986 I was pregnant with my baby Joshua.  My favorite song for that year was Madonna's, "I'm keeping my baby"  It happened to be the number one song for the year.  Madonna and I were born on the same day.  So I like her and she sings well. 

I watched the video today and it brought back so many memories of that year, and another time in my life when I  was so in love and found myself pregnant.  I married the guy of that haunting time of life.  It was 1978.   I had wanted to be a mommy ever since I was 8 years old.  Here I was pregnant.  But I felt no hope and was in fear of losing my job.  The shame of  being pregnant and not married.  We were both young, he was VERY young.  Marriage was not an option.  Three years later, marriage was the answer, and so we married.    I watched the video and cried.  Why wasn't I bold to say to everyone,  "I'M KEEPING MY BABY! I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOMMY. IT IS ALL I WANTED IN LIFE."    God did give me three children.  Five pregnancies.  The first one, I gave back to God.  The horror and shame that I felt for  so many years.  My biggest regret in life.  I also had a miscarriage, but didn't know I was pregnant until then.  That was a blessing, (another long story) but God had my back.  I think back to the days of my youth and I would not change a thing.  I wish I had kept the baby, but now I truly understand God's forgiveness.  He loves me.   My husband passed away and even though we had a rocky marriage, I cherish it.  I miss him a lot.  A whole new life began a year after he died...another long story for later.  

My baby is with Jesus and that's all that matters.  He loves all the little children.  .


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G333Is7VPOg

Rereading is a good thing.

        You know how you will read the Bible and then you read it again, places that you have read before, but this time verses jump out at you.  The verses are packed with information.  It's been there, you just didn't notice before. How could you have missed it before. you ask yourself.  God opens our eyes sometimes and our hearts.    We are going through 1 Peter in church.  Facinating...but the whole Bible is fascinating.  Today we were in the second chapter.  These verses just jumped out.  Answers to questions I have been asked.  I never knew where in the Bible it said what I said as truth. 

1 Peter 2 (NIV) 

2 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. ²

 

^{I knew that the angry way of dealing with people who hurt was wrong.  That the Bible says that vengeance is wrong.  Leave all that for God to deal with.  HE has our backs.  So this verse reminds me to not try to "get back or get even"  , to not be jealous of those who hurt  me or get away with doing wrong, to not talk badly about them which is what I understand slander to be.  I am guilty about talking badly about those who have hurt me or took advantage and don't see what they have done is wrong.  I just need to give it up to God.  Lay it down at the feet of Jesus.  "Let it go" or "Let it be"    Sometimes we all just need to be reminded of what we already know in our hearts.  Thank you God.} 

The Living Stone and a Chosen People

⁴ As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— ⁵ you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house^[a] to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. ⁶ For in Scripture it says:

“See, I lay a stone in Zion,
    a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him
    will never be put to shame.”^[b]

⁷ Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,

“The stone the builders rejected
    has become the cornerstone,”^[c]

⁸ and,

“A stone that causes people to stumble
    and a rock that makes them fall.”^[d]

They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.

⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. ¹⁰ Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

These verses tell us, those who love the Lord and believe Jesus as our savior and the only way to Heaven, that were are not of this fallen world.  We are set apart and we are different.  It is ok to be different.  We belong to God and not the world. We do Godly things and not worldly things.  We follow God and not follow  the worlds views and beliefs. 

Living Godly Lives in a Pagan Society

¹¹ Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. ¹² Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
¹³ Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, ¹⁴ or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. ¹⁵ For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. ¹⁶ Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. ¹⁷ Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

We believers in Christ are to be an example of Christ.  Or try to, we are not perfect and God knows this and is forgiving.  But try to do good.   Some think that because they are Jesus followers and know they are going to heaven and that they will be forgiven, that they can just do as they please and continue sinning and doing bad things.  Living a worldly life you might say.  Cant have both , the world and Heaven.  Live for the Lord, when you make a mistake, confess to God and repent.  If you don't feel bad for your sin, then you have not repented (or turned away and try to do better)  People who use this excuse to continue a sinful life because they know they are forgiven, need to read  verse 16.   Verse 17 says to show respect to EVERYONE!!   We can respectfully tell someone that what they do is wrong.  But we don't need to argue or get angry.  State the truth and be respectful to them.  If they don't listen, just walk away.  Don't take things personally.  The battle is a spiritual one.  Walk away and pray for them.  We are to love our family of believers (Jesus followers)  This is where the Bible says to love.  We love those in our family (Gods family) and respect those who are not.   This verse 17, says soo much in how we deal with the world and with our family of fellow Jesus believers.  RESPECT NON BELIEVERS, LOVE BELIEVERS.  RESPECT IS ALSO SHOWING THE LOVE OF JESUS.  WE DO LOVE THOSE WHO ARE WORLDLY, BY TELLING THEM OF THEIR SIN AND SHARING JESUS, THIS IS LOVE BECAUSE WE DONT WANT THEM TO GO TO HELL.  WE WANT TO SEE EVERYONE IN HEAVEN WITH US.  THAT IS LOVE, NOT WANTING ANYONE TO BURN. 

I am starting to read a book and decided to comment on what I read.  My preachers wife gave me the book to read and I thought about writing to her and sharing deep personal stuff as I read.  But decided to just write on my blog and maybe share with  her later.   People are always giving me books to read.  It makes me feel like something is wrong with me.  I seem depressed or confused.  I am not depressed.  I over think.  I think a lot.  The book I have been given this time by my pastor's wife is on Self Talk.  I am a happy person.  Really I am, but I have voiced that I am ashamed of how I used to be.  My past.  I was very shy as a child, but I was also kind of mean to my friends.  I was boy crazy.  People have not seemed to like me.  But there was a time, I was very funny and the life of the party.  People liked me.  I lied a lot.   I like myself now.  I think I am smart.  I am quiet because I am not good at talking.  I feel people don't care what I have to say. When I am talking, people cut me off.  It happens over and over.   So I write. My husband talks all the time.  People love him.  He lies.  He is a narcissist.  And people love him!!  I am a good person and people don't like me.  Ok..some of this might be my self talk.  So I will continue to read the book and share my thoughts.  

Repeating, I am a happy person.  I love my Lord, Jesus Christ.  I am a good mother.  I find beauty in God's creations.  Nature...trees and clouds.  Animals, children, people.  I love people.  I want them to like me.  My children don't come to see me because my husband has been hurtful to them.  He is the step dad.  I could go into another long speech about all of this.  But I don't want to think about it right now.  I do know that I am not happy in my marriage.  It is hard being married to a Narcissist.  I feel trapped.  Stuck.  Marriage is a life commitment.  I did marry him.  I do worry about what other people think of me.  So maybe in her wisdom, my pastor's wife saw something that she thinks will benefit me from this book.  Even though the Bible is the ultimate help/how to love your life, live your life.  God's way.  Teaching us about Jesus and how we can be like him and how to grow and handle all situations we find in our lives.  So I will read and comment.  Stay tuned........to be continued.

 

I am starting to read a book and decided to comment on what I read.  My preachers wife gave me the book to read and I thought about writing to her and sharing deep personal stuff as I read.  But decided to just write on my blog and maybe share with  her later.   People are always giving me books to read.  It makes me feel like something is wrong with me.  I seem depressed or confused.  I am not depressed.  I over think.  I think a lot.  The book I have been given this time by my pastor's wife is on Self Talk.  I am a happy person.  Really I am, but I have voiced that I am ashamed of how I used to be.  My past.  I was very shy as a child, but I was also kind of mean to my friends.  I was boy crazy.  People have not seemed to like me.  But there was a time, I was very funny and the life of the party.  People liked me.  I lied a lot.   I like myself now.  I think I am smart.  I am quiet because I am not good at talking.  I feel people don't care what I have to say. When I am talking, people cut me off.  It happens over and over.   So I write. My husband talks all the time.  People love him.  He lies.  He is a narcissist.  And people love him!!  I am a good person and people don't like me.  Ok..some of this might be my self talk.  So I will continue to read the book and share my thoughts.  

Repeating, I am a happy person.  I love my Lord, Jesus Christ.  I am a good mother.  I find beauty in God's creations.  Nature...trees and clouds.  Animals, children, people.  I love people.  I want them to like me.  My children don't come to see me because my husband has been hurtful to them.  He is the step dad.  I could go into another long speech about all of this.  But I don't want to think about it right now.  I do know that I am not happy in my marriage.  It is hard being married to a Narcissist.  I feel trapped.  Stuck.  Marriage is a life commitment.  I did marry him.  I do worry about what other people think of me.  So maybe in her wisdom, my pastor's wife saw something that she thinks will benefit me from this book.  Even though the Bible is the ultimate help/how to love your life, live your life.  God's way.  Teaching us about Jesus and how we can be like him and how to grow and handle all situations we find in our lives.  So I will read and comment.  Stay tuned........to be continued.

 

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO...WELL NO.

          Gee whiz, it has been along time since I wrote anything.  Life has been pretty good lately.  I am blessed.  I think back over this year and WOW!  At the beginning of 2015, I decided to not think on anything negative.  When my thoughts went to bad memories or anger, I changed them to good positive things.  I remember the good memories.  When I think back, there has been some sad and angry times.  But God has gotten me through.  I have had to really focus on praying when those times came.  There is peace in praying about heartaches.  This year has not been anything like I thought it would be. 
         Sometimes I wonder what would be the best thing to do in situations.  Give up, get angry, be depressed, hang in there though the bad, giving the benefit of a doubt.  God says to walk away from hot headed people.  But He also does not like commitments backed out on.  In fact, God says to just BE  STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.  HE IS IN CONTROL!!.  He can work things in ways we cannot.  "He will make a way when there is not way"  I am not looking forward to 2016 with the elections coming up.  But God is in control and he will protect his children.  I will look forward to new babies who will be arriving.  Four in the family!!
             Here is a glimps of my year and how God has brought me peace and answered prayers.  January my former mother in law passed away.  I will miss how she smiled when my children and I walked through her door.  It does break my heart seeing her husband look so sad because he misses her.  April my Daughter got married to a man who loves her dearly.  Her first husband loved her as well, but he was not a well man.  The children benefited so much having their lives turned upside down having to leave NC and go to TN.  They went from never being in school until the ages of 9 and 12.  They were so far behind in school.  It was heartbreaking.  I prayed daily for them.  They loved their daddy so much and having to move away so hard.  But as of today they have been on the honor roll most of their time in school in Tennessee .  A true God sighting.  My youngest moved out of the nest the beginning of June.  I haven't handled the empty nest very well.  I miss my kids.  Then on May 15, my son in law passed.  We did not see it coming (at that time).  That was the hardest death I have endured.  More so than my moms and my first husbands.  My heart still hurts so bad.  He was a good person and so talented on the piano.  But he was addicted to opiates.  He broke his back when he was 14 and had never been the same.  My daughter started dating him when he was 16 and she was 15.  He was 34 when he passed.  He was like one of my children.  God caused forgiveness between his family and my daughter.  It was kind of ugly when they separated and divorced.  The whole custody thing.  This is why God hates divorce.  Then my older son was in a horrible auto accident.  God protected him, just as he protected my daughter a year earlier when she and her car were wrapped around a tree.  My dad grows weaker each time I see him. I just pray.  God has blessed me enormously when it comes to my children.  Each one good citizens, love the Lord and make a mommy proud. 
           When I husband died, I was free.  Life could be me and my children (and grandchildren)  I was so happy.  Then I read in the Bible that young widows should get married.  I met someone who was charming and funny.  I don't talk to strangers, but he spoke to me and caught my attention with his humor.  We ended up getting married, even though I did see red flags...and I was so happy before I met him.  But God had other plans.  I have to trust this.  Besides God can take a bad choice and turn it into a blessing.  Or use it to help others.  He did this when I made the most horrible bad choice ever in my life.  But at the time I saw no hope.  I was so ashamed. So much more ashamed after I gave the gift from God back to HIM.  Whew...oh...God has used my experience to help others.  Back to my marriage.  It is not perfect.  I love my kids so much and he is very jealous  when any of my attention is on them.  It hurts.  He is very self minded.  A narcissist is the psychological term.  The world says to leave...or kick him out.  But God says not to.  Pray.  I almost did walk out of my marriage when he gave away something that I really loved (it was broken..but that's not the point) I was so hurt.  He had no regard or respect for my belongings.  I did leave for a day.  I went to see my kids.  You see we are together 24/7.  I don't like that.  I cant go anywhere without him.  If I do, he says its ok, but his attitude is anger or hurt.  I pray and prayed because I don't know how to handle him...how to communicate with him his way of narcisistant thinking.  When his son came the same time as when my daughter was here, she had to stay at my youngest son's and his son and family stayed with us.  It did work out.  I prayed about it and it all was a wonderful time.  Then when they needed help, he sold his truck.  This caused me much anger,  he didn't like helping my children.  In fact he had no empathy or compassion for them.  I would have to act like an emotional crazy person for us to help them with whatever they needed.  Selling the truck means that  I would have NO freedom.  He doesn't like being without wheels.  I prayed and prayed, the truck was bought by my son, and we still have it in our possession.  We will see how it works out.  I KNOW things will work out for the good.  God promises this.  In fact God has already been working on my husbands way of thinking.  I just need help loving him the way he is. "Sickness and in health"  I can handle the physical  problems he has and the occasional  illnesses.  God will help me with the selfmindedness....mine and his.  :)
         God is good.  HE always is.    
             

SERVING OR ENABLING

      I  am taking a break from my studies to write a short blog on what I am learning and relearning.  My love is writing, but there is so much that I want to write down.  I also love studying the Bible.  This is my motivation to pass on what I learn.  I have come to realize there is a fine line between serving others as he Bible tells to do (which Jesus was the perfect example) and enabling.  Enabling has to do with sin.  An enabler helps a sinner to continue in their sin.  They may feel they are doing it out of love, but it is not love to help someone continue in their sinful life.  I will write more on this later after I do a thorough research on the two topics. 

      Today I want to talk about Matthew 6:21 "Your heart will be where your treasure is"   This verse comes up a lot when I research clutter and hoarding.  hoarding is sinful.  Hanging on to stuff is sin.  Some say it is a mental illness.  Perhaps for some it is.  But for others, it is just worshiping your belongings.  We don't need a lot of belongs.  We are to just have what we need in life.  Items that we absolutely love are those things that we should keep if they are not things we need in life.  Everything EVERYTHING! that we have should be for the glory of God or to glorify God.  If you are trying to declutter, ask yourself, "Does it Glorify God?" If not, toss it, sell it or donate it.  A gift or a souvenir can be something that glorifies God because it is a memory of a loved one or a special time in our lives that we consider a blessing from God. 

     We should work hard for what we need in life.  Work.  Serving others is a type of work.  Working in pursuit of things that leave us empty and broken inside is not what God wants us to do.  We should be weary doing what is good in God's eyes at the end of the day so that we can have a good rest.  The Bible does say to not grow weary doing good.  This means to not give up.  Keep doing good and God will bless you in his time.  Keep fighting the fight.  Go for the reward which is Heaven.  Life is all about Jesus and our reward is Heaven.  Jesus is our path to Heaven. 

     I am so sickened by selfish people.  Pursuing what they want.  Hurting others who get in their way.  They grow weary pursuing things that never satisfy.  They are never satisfied.  They want more and more.  They want it better next time.  A higher high you might say.  Self and possessions can be sinful. 

     Enabling helps another with their selfish wants.  Serving others is helping them with what they need in life to survive.  Serving is love motivated.  Enabling is not..by no means.  If the Bible says something is a sin, condoning or defending the sin is not love.  That is where hate come in.  Love tries to stop the sin.  Hate allows the sin to continue. 

    Love is not angry or hateful.  Love speaks the truth.  The truth is God's words.  If someone wont listen when you speak the truth, walk away.  Don't take it personally.  Brush the dirt off your shoes as they did in the Bible and walk away.  Pray for them.  Pray for those who hurt you.  Pray for your enemies!!  Pray for the lost. 

Read your Bible, talk to God and pray for others.  Learn about Jesus.  Serve others. 

A MOVIE REVIEW

I am a movie addict.  I LOVE movies.  I love to just withdrawl in front of my  big screen tv and watch a movie.  Every now and then I want to give my opinion.  A few years back I watched the movie, "Crash" .  I was very impressed.  It made me feel good that it was up for an Oscar.  Not sure what catagory.  Also being nominated for an Oscar is not really a sign that a movie is worth watching.
     My love of movies began at the age of 3.  I fell in love with the big screen watching a cartoon about a wooden boy who longed to be a "'real" boy.
     Then at the age of five, I saw a movie that is still my most favorite movie of all time. It gave me  facination for the "strange" people in this world.  It was also about a boy and a girl and their couriosity of their neighbor.  In my opinion, it is the best movie ever made.   It did win a few Oscars.  "Hey Boo"
      Today I just finished watching the movie, "What Maisie Knew"   Excellent movie of what so many children go through when their parents divorce.  Heart breaking.  Many children are like this little girl. Her parents are in their own world, bickering with each other and pushing her to the side.  Neglecting and abandoning her. Assuming others will take care of her.  She is a burdon to them and doesn't fit in with their lives.  Sad.  But she does find love and there is a happy ending for her.  God hates divorce, it is not in his plan of marriage and parenting, and this is one reason why.  Great movie!!

DONT JUDGE..JUST DONT DO IT!!

Galatians 3:28

New International Version (NIV)

²⁸ There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.


I would like to add the rich and poor  to this.  Dont judge your brothers and sisters in Christ.  So many Christians do this.  We are supposed to serve one another.  Dont look down on those who are finacially disabled.  If a brother or sister is sitting in the dark with out water..dont say to them, "The wife should provide for the family if she is not doing so."    Have compassion and help your brothers and sisters.  Family.  God's family.  Family helps family.   On the flipside, dont be jeolous of brothers and sisters who are very well off financially and can spend money all the time and buy what every they want.  Yes I do have a problem of this..my sin.  It is the financally well off who look down on the financially disabled that make me angry.  Those who have means of helping a family member (Christian Family member) and just turn their backs. 

I am so sick of all the hate between the two politcal parties.  WHAT DOES IT MATTER??!!  What matters is if a person knows that Jesus Christ died for their sins on the cross.    Read your Bibles and do what it says!  God is talking to YOU!