I love to write, and wish I did it daily. Or even weekly. I am angry with myself for not doing more often than I do.
Life has been so hard lately. Too much going on at one time. I feel alone. I have no one who truly cares to continue to hear my problems. I don't want to seem like all I talk about is doom, sadness, anger. But! I do post happy joyful things on facebook.
With so much stress and sadness and worries, I have withdrawn from talking to people. No one really cares except God. My life long childhood friend cares. But I don't want to be so depressed with her all the time. She has her own tragic events. I hurt for her. I cry over her losses.
My daughter just got married. A happy thing. She married a good man who loves her and her children. she is 10 hours away. She and the children are not here anymore. I miss them a lot. A happy loss. Little did we know the events to follow. Life changing events. All within a two week period. The bad within a weeks time.
My youngest moved out with his fiancee' My nest is empty. He is just 3 minutes down the road, but on his own now. Kind of a loss, but a happy one.
My son in law (my daughter's first husband and father of the children) died. He had been so sick and in the hospital for many months. He had just gotten out very soon after my daughter got married. The children were looking forward to coming here to spend the summer with their daddy. He passed less than two weeks before they were to travel here. They didn't get to see him before he passed. Heartbreaking. So heartbreaking. Heartbreaking for his parents as well.
The day of his memorial, my older son was in a very bad wreck. Hurt, but not severely. The witnesses have lied about what happened. Well maybe not lied, but saw what happened so differently than what actually happened. He needs an attorney.
My marriage is bad, in my opinion. I feel no love from my husband. Of course he feels the same way. He is very narcissistic in personality. Drives me crazy!! I hate it. I finally told him how I feel. But he didn't change. Just was very defensive. I don't know how to handle him. I don't know what to say. I cant talk to him. His mind is sick.
My father has been the executor of my moms estate and is in a horrible mess. He doesn't understand it all. He wont let me help. He wants to do everything on his own. I have lost sleep worrying over it. What a mess.
My heart hurt so much. I cry a lot. As I said earlier, I don't want to talk or see anyone that is not family. I am very antisocial right now. I just want my family. Is this normal? Do I need meds to help me feel better? I just need time to pray and think. Talk to my God. He is wise beyond our comprehension. He can make a way when there is no way.
There is a song that Jeremy Camp sings, that I have been listening over and over and over. HE KNOWS...HE KNOWS..EVERY HURT AND EVERY STING....
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