My Life

    I love reading and in depth studies of the Bible.  I have learned so much from pastors such as Phil Spry, Bill Dinwiddie and Dan Rutherford.  I love that I have learn what is right and what is wrong in this world from God's Word.  What He says is truth.  The world tries to twist things so that sin is not sin.  Bible says to not conform to the world.  I pray that one day they will understand the Bible and see that sin is sin.  That they in the world will see that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.  That Hell is real.  Until then, all I can do is pray for the lost.  Not argue with them or get angry.  In the Bible God says that he will let the evil perish in their sins. 
    I was married to a very rough man.  He was mean at times and verbally abusive.  We had some bad times and we had some very good times.  He lost his life to an addiction to Crack.  That last year was a hard one.  The last month was a very hard one as he was so sick with heart failure...and he didn't understand why.  He did everything the doctors told him...I wanted to yell, "YOU ARE STILL SMOKING THAT CRACK!!"  In the end was he doing it to help his pain?  It was a vicious circle.  When he passed away, it was just me and my boys.  I was a single mother.  I was free!  I was happy...so happy.  Not happy that my husband had died.  I wanted him to get better and come back home and we continue in a happy life.  But God took him out of that marriage.  God had his reasons.  I am thankful that he is not here now with all the politics and hate that is going on.  Also that he is not here to deal with his sister and her children and the torment they put on his parents. 
     I read in the Bible that young widows should remarry.  The only reason I should have remarried was to get rid of that whorish behavior.  I was for a time after my husband died.  That part I was not happy about.  I was so happy that life was just me and my  children.  I was soooo sooo happy.  Why then did I get married again?
    Here  I am seven plus years later and I am so unhappy.  I feel stuck.  I feel chained.  I am not free.  I think my husband is a narcissist.  He lies.   Everything I read about a narcissistic  relationship, is us.  I just want to be happy.  I should feel joy that I belong to my Lord, Jesus Christ.  But I feel imprisioned.  I feel no one cares about what I have to say.  I feel ignored a lot of the time.  Oh well, Jesus loves me.  That is all that matters really. 

Boundries

Boundries

 I feel like I am in a psychological battle.  It's like hitting a wall.  Time and money have no concept...money Bang!  Time..bang!  the same wall.  No repect for what I want.  a twisted concept of what I want.  I want my life back.  I want to go back to August 5, 2006 and start over.  I have glimpes of having my life..but then it is back to that sa...me wall.  The anger is gone..now it is just sadness.  No one to talk to who will understand.  I do have my Lord, Jesus Christ.  So I can just pray.  I am tired of people bashing my Lord.  But it will be that way until he comes back and takes his church to heaven with him.  I just need to focus on the good in my life.  Yes , I have been blessed and am still being blessed.  God is on my side.  It is just this one thing...psychological twisting and trying to make me a robot.  It needs to stop!  Am I the selfish one who just wants things the way I want them?  I am very giving and want to please my Lord and others.  But this twisting to think ....bang bang  that wall!!  I am totally against everything he says and does....well not everything.  I just dont like him..the wall.  God help me.    Maybe I am wrong. 

He's Always Staring at Me

He's always staring at me.  It is annoying.  When I say something, he says he is staring somewhere else...out the window at a bird.  He is always doing that annoying whistle that construction workers do at passing pretty women.  I hate it.  I am not pretty.  He is always saying "Hi Beautiful" to me in public.  I don't like it and he wont stop. 

I am going to write about lots of things.  My thoughts.  I know most Bloggers have a theme.  I don't .   A lot of my main focus will be on Jesus and how my life and thoughts reflect my life as a Christian. 

Sept.  17, 2014

Truth

Its not up to us to judge. We should speak the truth and if people don't listen, walk away. God will judge them for not following HIS rules. There are so many sins in this world that God lists in the Bible. A lot of them are worldly and wont get you into Heaven. Heaven is where Jesus is. Heaven is eternal. Not everyone will get to go to Heaven. Some will go to the fire for eternity.

Needing To Think.

      I have not been on for quite some time.  I do love to write and I think of things to write about all the time.  But I have been lazy and depressed and so I am not getting the things done that I want to get done.  There is even a Bible verse about this.   There has been some things that are troubling me.  Behaviors of Christians.  There is a new Christianity movement out there where we treat everyone with love and acceptance.  But this is not scriptural.  We are to speak the truth to other in love.  If they argue or disagree.  Just walk away.  Brush the dirt off of your shoes and go.  They are rejecting God's word, not you.    There are also those who are very bold and make accusations towards others..with arrogance.  I don't think this is right either.  Then there are those who talk the talk, read their Bibles daily, but treat people with malice and anger.  When it is mentioned to them that they do this, they are nice for a short time and then go back to being verbally foul mouthed angry people.  But to their church friends, they are the perfect Christian and the accuser is just a hot head. 

I am going to search scripture and study on how we are be witnesses for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins.  I believe that the relationship between a believer and Jesus is a private one.  We are to live quiet lives and by our example..and our loving words of scripture, others will see Christ in us.  They will see our light.  I want to be a candle for Christ.  I just think aggression and arrogance are not how to tell people about Jesus. 

I am not perfect.  I have anger issues against those who don't follow the rules.  Any rules or laws.  I do have fits of anger, but I am so ashamed of my anger and I repent.  I know God forgives me.  I just don't understand people who hurt others and don't ask for forgiveness.  They think they have done nothing wrong.  Self minded and narccistic . 

More Later. 

CHARLIE

      I never knew it would hurt so much to lose a pet.  I guess I loved him a lot.  Charlie was born on October 18, 2010 and died October 10, 2013.   I have so much to say.  It has affected many people.  He is in Heaven now with Emy Rose, my mom, my late husband, Misty, Daydream, Spot, and many others who have gone on to Heaven.  He and his cat friend are running around together.  His cat friend died the same way he did.

     

       In December, 2007 we got Scout.  He was so little.  In Sept. 2007, we got Layla.  Scout and Layla  were best friends from the beginning.  She was living in an apartment with a cat that hated her.  The cat traumatized little Layla who was a puppy and just wanted to play.  She was taken out onto a balcony for outside time.  Scout thought it was a playdate.  He didn't like bringing her home, but he loved her and protected her, esp from the Chihuahua down the street.  That is a story for later. 
On October 18, 2010, Scout and Layla became the parents of six puppies.  Sooner, Boomer, Halfie, Okie, and two more.  We loved those little ones.  Sooner ended up being ours.  A lady was going to adopt him, but she never came back.  Okie was adopted by a very nice lady, Laura.  She loved him from the beginning.  She did everything she knew to keep him healthy and so he could grow into a beautiful dog.  She adopted him sometime in December 2010.  In July, 2012 she wrote to us saying her job responsibilities had changed and she had to travel a lot.  He was being put in a kennel while she was out of town.   She wanted to know if anyone would like a dog.  He was one of our babies, so we took him back.  At first he was very protective of himself.  He's snap at me if he didn't want to do something (come in from outside)  It took him a while to learn that we love him and will not give him away.  He loved my husband from the beginning.  He was Paul's dog.  Later I will write about all the things he did that made him "Charlie"  Oh, Laura named him Charlie.  I loved that name for him.  There will never be another Charlie.  Charlie learned to love me and it brightened my heart when he came to sit on my lap or to snuggle with me.  He was beautiful just like his mommy (Layla)  He and Sooner played all the time.  About the time that Charlie came back to us, Scout was getting tired of playing with Sooner.  Along came Charlie, he was still a puppy.  He loved to play!! He was all puppy even though he was a bigger dog than Scout or Sooner. 

     Charlie liked to run!  I like to chase cats!  We would have to hang onto him so that he didn't run away.  He loved laying in the doggie pen.  Running in the doggie pen.  He love laying in the sun.  He loved being outside. 

To be continued.......

 

Education should be funded

     I am all for more money going for schools. I said this one time on FB and got bombarded by comments saying the schools have enough money. Comments on how it is the student's fault they are not learning because they don't want to learn. Comments on how teacher's are not working hard enough (just like the man said in this blog.) I KNOW how hard teacher's work, and now there are so many who don't have the help of an assistant. It makes me sick that the teachers are not being paid for a very important, challenging and exhausting job that they do. It makes me sick that children are continued to be disregarded and pushed to the side when it comes to their needs. God Bless those who teach. They should be greatly rewarded!!