"The Rest of the Story"

        Eighty one years ago a lady named Ruth gave birth to twins. It was December third, in the year of our Lord, nineteen thirty three.  The twins were not due for quite some time.  The first baby was a girl, Jan who was so tiny and fragile.  Then arrived a tiny baby boy, Thomas.  Sadly Thomas only lived for a short time.  Ruth was a nurse and she did everything she knew to take care of her precious miracle.  You see back in those days a premature infant did not survive.  Jan was a miracle.  God had a plan.  Ruth raised her daughter to be a God honoring lady.  Ruth herself was a very God honoring wife and mother.  Jan had a good example to follow. 
      Jan survived and had a childhood on a farm.  She went off to college, where she fell in love and later married.  A few years passed and she welcomed a baby daughter.  Fast forward in time, at the age of nineteen this daughter found herself pregnant.  She was not married and was very scared.  She saw no solution or hope for the situation except to terminate the pregnancy.  Jan being a follower of Christ, knew it was wrong.  She tried to talk to her daughter, but the daughter didn't listen.  She prayed and prayed about it.  She felt much guilt because she thought she taught her daughter to make better choices.  Jan was hurting so she called her mother and shared her  painful feelings.  Ruth told her a story that gave her some comfort.  A story of forgiveness and comfort. 
       Years went by and Jan's daughter was battling shame on a daily basis.  She would pray and tell God she wanted her baby back.  The guilt was overwhelming.  She told her mother that she regretted her decision to kill her first child.  It was then that Jan told her daughter her grandmother's story.
      When Ruth found out she was pregnant, it was a very poor time for her family.  The timing was wrong.  So being a nurse, she knew of a medicine that could possibly terminate her pregnancy.  It didn't work...or did it?  Then when it was too soon for the babies to be born, she went into labor.  She felt a over baring guilt and shame for many years because her babies came so early and her husband's son had died.  She loved her little Jan dearly and tended to her to keep her alive.  She rejoiced daily as tiny Jan got bigger and stronger. 
But inside Ruth felt God was angry with her.  She learned through scripture reading that God loves her dearly and that He knows we make mistakes.  This is why he sent his son to die for us.  She had known this all her life and was thankful that God reminded her. 
    You see Jan feared that her mother would shun her daughter.  But it was not the case.  Ruth loved her granddaughter even more.  She taught her granddaughter that Jesus loves us no matter what!  She taught her by her example of how a Godly woman should be. A loving and serving wife and mother. 
        
     My grandmother was the most loving person I have ever known.  Everything she did was showing love.  I miss her hugs.  Hugs from a grandparent are very warming.  This is why I love hugging my grandchildren.  My grandmother was the most Godly woman I knew.  My mother was very Godly too and she had a good teacher.  My grandmother loved my mom dearly.  Mom was very precious to my grandma.  My grandma loved each of her daughters with all of her heart. 
Mom passed away 10 years ago as I was sitting beside her.  I was sitting and just listening to her deep breathing..lost in my own thoughts when all of the sudden it was very quiet. 

    Thank you Lord for my grandma, who loved her little miracle.  Thank you Lord for my mom who would have been eighty one today.     
      

My Life

    I love reading and in depth studies of the Bible.  I have learned so much from pastors such as Phil Spry, Bill Dinwiddie and Dan Rutherford.  I love that I have learn what is right and what is wrong in this world from God's Word.  What He says is truth.  The world tries to twist things so that sin is not sin.  Bible says to not conform to the world.  I pray that one day they will understand the Bible and see that sin is sin.  That they in the world will see that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.  That Hell is real.  Until then, all I can do is pray for the lost.  Not argue with them or get angry.  In the Bible God says that he will let the evil perish in their sins. 
    I was married to a very rough man.  He was mean at times and verbally abusive.  We had some bad times and we had some very good times.  He lost his life to an addiction to Crack.  That last year was a hard one.  The last month was a very hard one as he was so sick with heart failure...and he didn't understand why.  He did everything the doctors told him...I wanted to yell, "YOU ARE STILL SMOKING THAT CRACK!!"  In the end was he doing it to help his pain?  It was a vicious circle.  When he passed away, it was just me and my boys.  I was a single mother.  I was free!  I was happy...so happy.  Not happy that my husband had died.  I wanted him to get better and come back home and we continue in a happy life.  But God took him out of that marriage.  God had his reasons.  I am thankful that he is not here now with all the politics and hate that is going on.  Also that he is not here to deal with his sister and her children and the torment they put on his parents. 
     I read in the Bible that young widows should remarry.  The only reason I should have remarried was to get rid of that whorish behavior.  I was for a time after my husband died.  That part I was not happy about.  I was so happy that life was just me and my  children.  I was soooo sooo happy.  Why then did I get married again?
    Here  I am seven plus years later and I am so unhappy.  I feel stuck.  I feel chained.  I am not free.  I think my husband is a narcissist.  He lies.   Everything I read about a narcissistic  relationship, is us.  I just want to be happy.  I should feel joy that I belong to my Lord, Jesus Christ.  But I feel imprisioned.  I feel no one cares about what I have to say.  I feel ignored a lot of the time.  Oh well, Jesus loves me.  That is all that matters really. 

Boundries

Boundries

 I feel like I am in a psychological battle.  It's like hitting a wall.  Time and money have no concept...money Bang!  Time..bang!  the same wall.  No repect for what I want.  a twisted concept of what I want.  I want my life back.  I want to go back to August 5, 2006 and start over.  I have glimpes of having my life..but then it is back to that sa...me wall.  The anger is gone..now it is just sadness.  No one to talk to who will understand.  I do have my Lord, Jesus Christ.  So I can just pray.  I am tired of people bashing my Lord.  But it will be that way until he comes back and takes his church to heaven with him.  I just need to focus on the good in my life.  Yes , I have been blessed and am still being blessed.  God is on my side.  It is just this one thing...psychological twisting and trying to make me a robot.  It needs to stop!  Am I the selfish one who just wants things the way I want them?  I am very giving and want to please my Lord and others.  But this twisting to think ....bang bang  that wall!!  I am totally against everything he says and does....well not everything.  I just dont like him..the wall.  God help me.    Maybe I am wrong. 

He's Always Staring at Me

He's always staring at me.  It is annoying.  When I say something, he says he is staring somewhere else...out the window at a bird.  He is always doing that annoying whistle that construction workers do at passing pretty women.  I hate it.  I am not pretty.  He is always saying "Hi Beautiful" to me in public.  I don't like it and he wont stop. 

I am going to write about lots of things.  My thoughts.  I know most Bloggers have a theme.  I don't .   A lot of my main focus will be on Jesus and how my life and thoughts reflect my life as a Christian. 

Sept.  17, 2014

Truth

Its not up to us to judge. We should speak the truth and if people don't listen, walk away. God will judge them for not following HIS rules. There are so many sins in this world that God lists in the Bible. A lot of them are worldly and wont get you into Heaven. Heaven is where Jesus is. Heaven is eternal. Not everyone will get to go to Heaven. Some will go to the fire for eternity.

Needing To Think.

      I have not been on for quite some time.  I do love to write and I think of things to write about all the time.  But I have been lazy and depressed and so I am not getting the things done that I want to get done.  There is even a Bible verse about this.   There has been some things that are troubling me.  Behaviors of Christians.  There is a new Christianity movement out there where we treat everyone with love and acceptance.  But this is not scriptural.  We are to speak the truth to other in love.  If they argue or disagree.  Just walk away.  Brush the dirt off of your shoes and go.  They are rejecting God's word, not you.    There are also those who are very bold and make accusations towards others..with arrogance.  I don't think this is right either.  Then there are those who talk the talk, read their Bibles daily, but treat people with malice and anger.  When it is mentioned to them that they do this, they are nice for a short time and then go back to being verbally foul mouthed angry people.  But to their church friends, they are the perfect Christian and the accuser is just a hot head. 

I am going to search scripture and study on how we are be witnesses for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins.  I believe that the relationship between a believer and Jesus is a private one.  We are to live quiet lives and by our example..and our loving words of scripture, others will see Christ in us.  They will see our light.  I want to be a candle for Christ.  I just think aggression and arrogance are not how to tell people about Jesus. 

I am not perfect.  I have anger issues against those who don't follow the rules.  Any rules or laws.  I do have fits of anger, but I am so ashamed of my anger and I repent.  I know God forgives me.  I just don't understand people who hurt others and don't ask for forgiveness.  They think they have done nothing wrong.  Self minded and narccistic . 

More Later.