Thursday, November 3, 2016

Well then...

I have not finished blogging this book I am reading.  It is a very good book and the main point of it all is to have a positive mind.  Always!! Think on things good and Holy.  Don't put yourself down. God loves you and God made you.  If you do slip up, talk to God and repent.  Talk to God about everything.   Even if you are angry.  At least you are venting at him.  When you tell others of your hurts, sorrows, angers, etc...first, you are not putting God first.  Tell him how you feel first before you talk to others.  What you say  could turn into gossup  Trust God more than you trust people.  This is biblical.  Bottom line, PUT GOD FIRST.  JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SINS AND LOVES YOU.  HE FORGIVES AND WILL HELP YOU.  NO MATTER WHAT! 

Friday, October 7, 2016

More Thoughts

  I have continued reading the book I was telling you about.  One point that the author brings out many times, and it is just common sense is we should always have a positive attitude.  How we react is very important.  We can voice our opinion if something is bothering us in a positive way, not with anger or rage.  If we tell ourselves to not to get overly upset about stuff, then we will feel better.  Anger and wrath are not God's way.  It doesn't mean that we have to just sit back and take whatever it is that bothers us or if someone is mean to us.  We can handle it in a positive way and tell ourselves it doesn't bother us ...that much.   Another thing that the author brought up was the word Shalom , which means Peace.  She should have an attitude of Shalom.  In the way we react, in what we say, in how we feel. 


Thursday, September 29, 2016

WELL MAYBE...

I reading this book and don't see how it applies to me.  I like myself.  I think I am nice person.  I am highly sensitive and a little paranoid.  I do tell myself that people don't like me.  They like the ones who talk a lot and lie.  I am the opposite.  But I feel people think I lie.  I just don't know.  I will read on.....

Monday, September 12, 2016

More on Self Talk

      I am reading a book that someone gave to me to read.  I wondered what is wrong with me that people give me books to read.  My daughter said , " Maybe she thought it was a good book"   so I am reading it to see if it is something I need.  The author calls it "Soul Talk"  All is well with my soul.  Well I feel all IS  well with my soul.  But maybe not??  Maybe people see me as someone who is lost.  I try to prove to people all the time that I am NOT lost.  I am not blind or deaf to what God has to say.  I try to (maybe too hard) to let people know they are not living right.  I point out things that are not Holy.  I tell people all the time what the Bible says. 

      What I read today talks about what we say to ourselves about ourselves.  I'm a bad mother, I a failure, Etc..."  Well, I HAVE  said I was a failure.  But I like myself.  I don't understand why people don't like me.  That is what I tell myself.  I am a good, funny, smart and sweet.  But people talk to me and I guess I tell too much about myself and they never want to talk to me again.  I talk of my sorrows, my trials.  I guess I am talking to negatively.  I need people I can talk to about everything.  I do have my kids and my friend Erin.   I did get into a discussion on facebook about the ability to cry.  I was so argumentative.  It got kind of crazy.  I sure didn't represent Jesus very well.  That is my goal that people will see what God wants them to know.  That the world is bad.  Then on Sunday we sang a song that had a line, "Boast in Jesus"  I should just share Jesus and boast in HIM.  So far what I have read in this book, is not me.  I don't think badly of myself.  I think I am a likeable person, but others don't see it.  I am not a narcissist though.  No way!!!  I am very honest.  Maybe too honest.  Maybe that's why people don't like me.  I hate lyers.  Well not hate. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

I am starting to read a book and decided to comment on what I read.  My preachers wife gave me the book to read and I thought about writing to her and sharing deep personal stuff as I read.  But decided to just write on my blog and maybe share with  her later.   People are always giving me books to read.  It makes me feel like something is wrong with me.  I seem depressed or confused.  I am not depressed.  I over think.  I think a lot.  The book I have been given this time by my pastor's wife is on Self Talk.  I am a happy person.  Really I am, but I have voiced that I am ashamed of how I used to be.  My past.  I was very shy as a child, but I was also kind of mean to my friends.  I was boy crazy.  People have not seemed to like me.  But there was a time, I was very funny and the life of the party.  People liked me.  I lied a lot.   I like myself now.  I think I am smart.  I am quiet because I am not good at talking.  I feel people don't care what I have to say. When I am talking, people cut me off.  It happens over and over.   So I write. My husband talks all the time.  People love him.  He lies.  He is a narcissist.  And people love him!!  I am a good person and people don't like me.  Ok..some of this might be my self talk.  So I will continue to read the book and share my thoughts.  

Repeating, I am a happy person.  I love my Lord, Jesus Christ.  I am a good mother.  I find beauty in God's creations.  Nature...trees and clouds.  Animals, children, people.  I love people.  I want them to like me.  My children don't come to see me because my husband has been hurtful to them.  He is the step dad.  I could go into another long speech about all of this.  But I don't want to think about it right now.  I do know that I am not happy in my marriage.  It is hard being married to a Narcissist.  I feel trapped.  Stuck.  Marriage is a life commitment.  I did marry him.  I do worry about what other people think of me.  So maybe in her wisdom, my pastor's wife saw something that she thinks will benefit me from this book.  Even though the Bible is the ultimate help/how to love your life, live your life.  God's way.  Teaching us about Jesus and how we can be like him and how to grow and handle all situations we find in our lives.  So I will read and comment.  Stay tuned........to be continued.
 

I am starting to read a book and decided to comment on what I read.  My preachers wife gave me the book to read and I thought about writing to her and sharing deep personal stuff as I read.  But decided to just write on my blog and maybe share with  her later.   People are always giving me books to read.  It makes me feel like something is wrong with me.  I seem depressed or confused.  I am not depressed.  I over think.  I think a lot.  The book I have been given this time by my pastor's wife is on Self Talk.  I am a happy person.  Really I am, but I have voiced that I am ashamed of how I used to be.  My past.  I was very shy as a child, but I was also kind of mean to my friends.  I was boy crazy.  People have not seemed to like me.  But there was a time, I was very funny and the life of the party.  People liked me.  I lied a lot.   I like myself now.  I think I am smart.  I am quiet because I am not good at talking.  I feel people don't care what I have to say. When I am talking, people cut me off.  It happens over and over.   So I write. My husband talks all the time.  People love him.  He lies.  He is a narcissist.  And people love him!!  I am a good person and people don't like me.  Ok..some of this might be my self talk.  So I will continue to read the book and share my thoughts.  

Repeating, I am a happy person.  I love my Lord, Jesus Christ.  I am a good mother.  I find beauty in God's creations.  Nature...trees and clouds.  Animals, children, people.  I love people.  I want them to like me.  My children don't come to see me because my husband has been hurtful to them.  He is the step dad.  I could go into another long speech about all of this.  But I don't want to think about it right now.  I do know that I am not happy in my marriage.  It is hard being married to a Narcissist.  I feel trapped.  Stuck.  Marriage is a life commitment.  I did marry him.  I do worry about what other people think of me.  So maybe in her wisdom, my pastor's wife saw something that she thinks will benefit me from this book.  Even though the Bible is the ultimate help/how to love your life, live your life.  God's way.  Teaching us about Jesus and how we can be like him and how to grow and handle all situations we find in our lives.  So I will read and comment.  Stay tuned........to be continued.
 

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Marriage and Narcissism

        It has been awhile but I am back.  I have been praying.  I have been researching.  I am married to a Narcisist and don't know how to handle it.  The world says to run...get away.  But I don't know if that is what God would have me to do.  I need help. 

Saturday, March 12, 2016

ARE THEY TOO FAR GONE? 

            Around 22 years ago I went to a bar ...alone...and there was this really cute man sitting near me.  I ended up taking him to his house.  But first we talked about our families.  He had two little boys, but wasn't married.  I had a whole family...married with children.  He invited me in and then forced sex on me.  Rape is what they call it.  I didn't know.  I felt violated.  I went home and showered and scrubbed all areas of my body.  He was a low life.  I felt sorry for his kids.  My mistake was going to a bar and being nice to give this handsome man a ride home.  I am just too nice. 
            Now here it is 22 years later and I am a facebook addict.  This man has a facebook page.  From what I can tell he is a drunk.  His life involves drinking all day until he passes out or ends up in the hospital.  Sad.  I checked on his sons.  Both in their early 20s.  23 and 24.  Both of their lives are employment where ever they can get it.  Their jobs last about two weeks.  They get paid well and just blow it.  They both have been in and out of jail, prison, rehab, court, and the hospital for drug overdosing. A different sex partner almost weekly.    I feel they are beyond hope.  But are they?  Jesus can turn people around and heal them.  Is there a point when Jesus will just walk away?  These two young men are so young to be in this kind of lifestyle.  I pray they will someday find Jesus and look to him for a life changing.