Whew What a Whirlwind

       Oh my!  It has been a while since I have written anything.  My life since February 15, 2013 has been one crisis/trial after another.  When it rains, it storms!!  Darkness.  Valleys.  BUT, there is always a rainbow after the storm.  The sun comes out eventually.  There is light at the end of the dark.  Trials make us grow.  I can only go up when times are down.  God is good and God is in control. 

       I am working on some topics that have come to my mind through all of this madness.  One being the difference between helping others as the Bible tells us to do.  This can also be know as Serving Others.
And Enabling. 

      On February 14, 2013, it was Valentines Day and I visited my daughter and her kids.  My daughter had a little party.  It was fun.  I had bought the kids  little gifts, which to this day are still sitting where the kids laid them down after opening the gifts. 

     On February 15, my daughter was kicked out of her home where she, her kids and husband resided with her in laws.  Her mother in law told her to LEAVE!!

      She was not allowed to come back for her things or to see her kids.  BUT, law enforcement said they could not just kick her out and keep her things hostage.  She has to have a 30 day notice. 

     A temporary verbal agreement was made as far as custody.  All went well until April 18, 2013.  When her husband attacked her and smashed the windshield of the van she was driving (which belonged to her brother)  She was arrested because her husband said she tried to run him over.  oh sure, she was trying to get a way from him, running for her life.  Locked herself in the van.  If he had gotten a hold of her, he may have done some serious damage.  He had choked her until she blacked out in the past.   But she was moving trying to get away at about 2 miles per hour, in a driveway!!  She did not knock him onto the van causing him to smash the windshield with his body. 

     So the court days began.  Many court visits.  She got temporary primary custody.  So the kids were with us in out little house.  She needed our help.

     Around the end of March, my husband hurt his arm/shoulder at work.  Pretty severely.    Dr visits and PT apts for a while.  Then they stopped.  Workman's comp was dragging their feet.  Payments were sent willy nilly.  We got an attorney.  We are still waiting for a Dr apt which should be on August 15th.  His last apt was June 3rd.  He is facing surgery and at least a year of recovery.  We will see what happens at the August 15th apt.  It is hard having my husband home 24/7. in Pain and in a grumpy mood. 

     My youngest suffered with boils for about two months until they got him on the right antibiotics.  He missed work and they were not very happy about it. 
 

    My son hit a deer, so his car is out of commission and the mechanic had it for three weeks and did nothing. 

     On July 28, my daughter was in a horrible car wreck.  Just her, no other cars involved.  She slammed int a tree.  She was protected by angels.  she could have been hurt so much more than she was.  Her car (which she had must bought a month ago) was totaled.  She missed a week of work.  She will have medical bills.  She doesn't have health insurance.  She was fined for the wreck.   She said she wasn't texting or on the phone.  I wonder. 

   The next day, the children started school.  Third and sixth grade.  They have never been to public school.  They were homeschooled. Or should I say "no Schooled"  Both are on a 1st or 2nd grade level in their education.  I am so worried about my grandson who is 12.  It was a very rough first week.  It is so hard for them.  They are having to handle a lot right now:  School, a bitter custody battle between their parents and their mom's wreck.  It has been emotional. 

   But it WILL  get better!!

     

    My diabetes is so out of control and I just keep gaining weight. 

    I have to drive everyone around...the kids, daughter, husband and son.

  I am so stressed.   But I am doing what I love.  Helping others. 
  My husband says I am enabling.  I don't think so.  So I am going to research what the Bible says.

I do have a family situation that is entirely enabling.  But I have detached from them and am letting them live as they want and reap the consequences of their behaviors.  I will write on this later. 


I am also going through some person trials.  People don't seem to want to listen to me talk.  I am quiet anyway, so when I say something, I want people to listen and to care what I have to say.  But it seems I am only to listen to them.  When I do talk, people cut me off and don't let me finish.  I am going to ponder on this. 

Well for now, I am going to stop.

May God Bless Your Day. 

Yeah I Know...It's been a while

A sad event has turned our lives upside down.  It is not over yet.  Say prayers for my family.  I am sorry I cant go into details but our God knows everything.  He is in control.  But we still appreciate prayers. 

EASTER 2013

         It is Easter 2013 and for some reason this Easter is bringing on spiritual battles more so than in the past.  I know that satan (his name does not deserve to be capitalized)  is working his hardest during this time of year.  So many arguments and disagreements going on.  And it is not between Christians and non Christians.  It is between Christians! 

    Easter is the celebration of the death of Jesus and His resurrection.  Jesus died for our sins.  This was God's plan.  Jesus rose from the dead and is making a place for us.  He will come again.  If you believe in Jesus you will live in eternity (Heaven) with him. 

    Here a few instructions from the Bible:
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1 John 2:4     

Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,

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    No sin is worse than another, sin is sin.  We all sin and should ask for forgiveness and repent (stop it) 


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John 14:6         
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

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      The only way to God and Heaven is to believe in Jesus and in his life.  He set the example of how we should live.  We should set an example for those who don't know Jesus as their personal saviour.  Getting to know Jesus is as easy as reading the Bible and praying.  The whole Bible is relivant. 

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2 Timothy 3:16 ESV     

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

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1 Peter 4:10-11 

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

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Serve others as Jesus served.  He is our example. The saying, "What would Jesus do?" is a good mindset.

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DO NOT ARGUE , JUST STATE THE TRUTH AND BE KIND.

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John 8:32
"And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free"
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2 Timothy 2:23-24 ESV    

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil,

Philippians 2:14 ESV    

Do all things without grumbling or questioning,

Romans 12:19 ESV    

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Proverbs 15:1 ESV    

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Titus 3:1-2 ESV    

Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

Romans 14:19 ESV    

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV    

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...

1 Peter 2:21 ESV /     

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.        .

 5:22-23        

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law

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Don't argue, Don't Judge, Be kind, State the truth and just walk away.  God will handle the rest. 

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JUST WALK AWAY!!  Don't hang around and argue or get angy or upset. 

*********************************************************************************Matthew 10:14 ESV / 10 helpful votes
And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.

Mark 6:11        

And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.”

Luke 9:5 ESV    

And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them.”

Acts 13:51        

But they shook off the dust from their feet against them

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BEING ANGRY AND HATEFUL IS WRONG.  HANDLE DISAGREEMENTS GOD'S WAY.

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Ephesians 4:31-32        

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

       

James 1:19-20 ESV / 13 helpful votes

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Luke 10:25-28 ESV /      behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Matthew 7:12     

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Psalm 37:8-9          

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

Galatians 5:19-21         

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.        

Colossians 3:7-8          

In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

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Read the Bible and follow the instructions of our God. 

 

SIDE AFFECTS

        When a woman has an abortion, she goes through the same hormonal changes as those who given birth.  Post partum depression being one.  Add to that the sadness of a loss.  Yes even though she has chosen to abort her baby, she will feel a loss.  Grief.  She will go through the stages of grief.  These being DENIAL, ANGER, BARGANING, DEPRESSION AND ACCEPTANCE. 

 DENIAL:  I did nothing wrong.  It wasn't my fault.
ANGER:  IT WASN'T MY FAULT.  SOMEONE MADE ME DO IT.  Or  I hate myself for doing this!!
BARGAINING:  I promise never to do that again if you....  I will be the best mommy ever if I can have a baby.  I never want to have children. 
DEPRESSION:  Overwhelming guilt, sadness, drug and alcohal or drug abuse, remorse, self lothing and suicide.
ACCEPTANCE:  I acknowledge what I have done.  I am forgiven.  I repent of this sin.  I have healed.

I will write more on these later. I will write more on the "side affects" of abortion.  But you can heal!!  You can recover!!

Just know that God forgives you through the blood of Jesus Christ.  God can turn a bad thing into a blessing. 

I FORGIVE YOU MOMMY

       Went to a crisis pregnancy banquet/fundraiser last night.  I was so impressed how easily that the speakers could confess their sin of abortion.  If these well liked people could talk publically about this horrible thing, then maybe so can I.  I have been so afraid to talk to people about myself and my past because I want people to like me.  I have found that when I did talk about being married to a drug addict and all that entails, or the fact that he was abusive, people shunned me and didnt talk to me anymore.  What would they think if I talked about killing my first baby?  Some people say to not talk about the past or to forget it.  But if I can help someone in some way, then I will talk about it. Also bringing the dark into the light can help with healing.

        "Black is Black..I want my baby back" ''I am so sorry Lord"  "My darling baby, I am so so so very sorry"   I said these words over and over , almost daily for years.  Many many tears.  I felt like dirt.  I deserved to be hurt.  I learned that God does forgive this horrible sin. Through Jesus our Lord.  His blood covered my sins.  I just needed to forgive myself and accept God's forgiveness. 

       11 years and 15 days after the day I would like to forget, but I remember every detail, I was feeling so sad.  I was reading the Bible and just crying ..sobbing..and telling my child that I was so sorry.  The room got really quiet and so did I, " I FORGIVE YOU MOMMY" was spoken aloud.  A sweet child's voice.  At that moment, a huge weight had lifted.  I had an enormous peace.  I never felt guilty again. I knew I was forgiven and that it was all ok. 

   But I did still have the shame that I would ever do such a thing.  But Jesus took my shame away too.  He covered my shame. 

    Later through an abortion recovery group meeting I gave my baby a name..Emy Rose Evans.  I always felt it was a little girl. 

      One day, years later, my mom and I were talking and she brought up the subject of that day I aborted my baby.  She went with  me to the Fleming Center which was an abortion place.  That is all they did there.  She felt such great guilt and so shamed that she would "support" me in doing that.  (She was there for me because she loved me dearly but did not approve of my decision) She told me how bad she felt about that day.  She felt so bad that she called her mother.  My grandma was the most Godly lady I have ever known.  She was an awesome woman.  I thought, "NO!! YOU DIDNT TELL GRANDMA!!" 
Grandma probably hated me then.  How could I ever face my grandma again.  My mom said that her mother told her "her story"  

     My grandma was pregnant with twins, my mom and her brother.  My grandparents had a two year old already and they were very poor at the time.  "How are we going to afford two more babies?"  My grandma was a nurse and she knew of ways that women aborted babies back then.  Some kind of medicine they could take.  So my grandma took this medicine.  It didnt work at that time.  She went into labor two months later when the babie's were two months early.  My mom's twin brother died.   My grandma blamed herself.  For years she blamed herself.  My grandpa had lost all of his sons.  He had no sons to carry on his name.  My grandma felt she caused baby Thomas' death.
She took extra loving care of my mom when she was born.  My mom always felt that she wasnt special..she felt her sisters mattered more to her mother.  But my grandma told my mom that she was very special to her.  She knew that God forgave her for what she did and she praised God for letting her little Janice survive.  It was a mircle back in the early 30s for a baby so premature to survive..But God did It!!    I miss my mom so much!!  I praise God for Mother and daughter relationships.  A gift that he gives us.  

TO BE CONTINUED:

    Later the affects of abortion...grief, depression, shame, drug and alcohol abuse, sin and more sin, and even suicide.  God can get you through it.  He loves you so  much!!
     

OFF DOWN A SIDE PATH

This is from the Old Testament.  I know people who say the Old Testament doesn't matter.  The WHOLE Bible is about Jesus!!  But these verses are specifically about our Lord and Savior, Jesus

Isaiah 53

New International Version (NIV)

53 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

⁴ Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
⁸ By oppression^[a] and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.^[b]
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

¹⁰ Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes^[c] his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
¹¹ After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life^[d] and be satisfied^[e];
by his knowledge^[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,^[g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,^[h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors. Christ. 

 

 

Situations break my heart, but the people in my life bring me joy. 

I don't understand why people feel the need to harm animals and other humans.  God gave people the job of taking care of his creatures.  So no animal should be harmed in anger or violence.  Not person should harm another person. 

IT'S POSITIVE

    I took my Dad's car and drove to my doctor with a jar of  "pee".  It was barely 8:00 AM.  The nurse came back with the haunting words, "I'TS POSITVE"    I choked a little and payed $10 and left.  I cried when I told my boyfriend.  He said to just get an abortion.  That's what the girl down the street from him did....THREE TIMES! 
   After the shock wore off, I was kind of happy. A baby..that's what I always wanted.  But I couldn't have it because then people would know I had sex outside of marriage.  I could lose my job!! My dad would hate me.  So began the plans of having an abortion.  I called this lady I knew who had had an abortion because while she was married and her husband away in the Army, she got pregnant.  Her husband had had a vasectomy.  We planned for me to go to Winston Salem where she lived.  But I would have to take off of work.  For some reason my parents had to be involved.  They said "no" and I got really upset.  My dad thought it was odd, so he sent my mom in to ask me, "Are you in Trouble?"   I was so ashamed!  I couldn't face my dad.  His advice was to break up with my boyfriend.  All I could think of was that people would know that I had had sex.  My mom tried to talk to me.  We could handle it all she said. I was still a teenager and teens dont listen to their moms. And I was determined that the only choice was to abort.  My mom with with me, even though she didnt approve.  "Having My Baby...what a lovely way of saying how much you love me" was on the radio above my head.   They called me back .  I was truly hoping they would send me home pregnant.  I told the little councilor that I didn't want to do this.  "I Have always wanted to be a mother."  "I love babies!"  "This will prove it by not bring an unplanned one into the world", she said.   We had a group session and I didn't talk at all.  Then they asked us what kind of birth control I wanted to go on.  She asked me and I said, "I am not having sex again."  "You cant just stop having sex.  It is like eating peanuts, you cant just stop.  You will be back in a year" 
    While laying on the table, I asked the nurse, "I wonder if it is a boy or girl"   "It's not a baby, it is a fetus.  Just tissue.  It is like a blueprint to a house.  A blueprint is not a house.  A fetus is not a baby"   The doctor came in, I didn't like him right away.  He had to pry my legs apart.  A tear rolled down to my ear.  I didn't cry even though I wanted to.  I looked up just in time to see red stuff go through a tube into a VACUUM CLEANER!! THAT was when reality hit me.  MY BABY WENT INTO A VACUUM CLEANER.   Later I learned that they just threw the baby remains of that container into the dumpster!! A DUMPSTER!!! RIGHT BEHIND THE BUILDING! As I was walking out, "Black is Black,  I want my baby back" was on the radio above my head. 

 (It was also a month after the abortion that I saw a picture of what my baby looked like at 9 weeks gestation) IT WAS A BABY!!  

I sang that song over and over in my head for 11 years.  I grieved for 11 years.  I apologized to my baby and to God for 11 years. 

God is forgiving..even for this horrible black sin.  He sent his son to die for me. 

To be continued...

Next time  "I FORGIVE YOU MOMMY"