SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO...WELL NO.

          Gee whiz, it has been along time since I wrote anything.  Life has been pretty good lately.  I am blessed.  I think back over this year and WOW!  At the beginning of 2015, I decided to not think on anything negative.  When my thoughts went to bad memories or anger, I changed them to good positive things.  I remember the good memories.  When I think back, there has been some sad and angry times.  But God has gotten me through.  I have had to really focus on praying when those times came.  There is peace in praying about heartaches.  This year has not been anything like I thought it would be. 
         Sometimes I wonder what would be the best thing to do in situations.  Give up, get angry, be depressed, hang in there though the bad, giving the benefit of a doubt.  God says to walk away from hot headed people.  But He also does not like commitments backed out on.  In fact, God says to just BE  STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.  HE IS IN CONTROL!!.  He can work things in ways we cannot.  "He will make a way when there is not way"  I am not looking forward to 2016 with the elections coming up.  But God is in control and he will protect his children.  I will look forward to new babies who will be arriving.  Four in the family!!
             Here is a glimps of my year and how God has brought me peace and answered prayers.  January my former mother in law passed away.  I will miss how she smiled when my children and I walked through her door.  It does break my heart seeing her husband look so sad because he misses her.  April my Daughter got married to a man who loves her dearly.  Her first husband loved her as well, but he was not a well man.  The children benefited so much having their lives turned upside down having to leave NC and go to TN.  They went from never being in school until the ages of 9 and 12.  They were so far behind in school.  It was heartbreaking.  I prayed daily for them.  They loved their daddy so much and having to move away so hard.  But as of today they have been on the honor roll most of their time in school in Tennessee .  A true God sighting.  My youngest moved out of the nest the beginning of June.  I haven't handled the empty nest very well.  I miss my kids.  Then on May 15, my son in law passed.  We did not see it coming (at that time).  That was the hardest death I have endured.  More so than my moms and my first husbands.  My heart still hurts so bad.  He was a good person and so talented on the piano.  But he was addicted to opiates.  He broke his back when he was 14 and had never been the same.  My daughter started dating him when he was 16 and she was 15.  He was 34 when he passed.  He was like one of my children.  God caused forgiveness between his family and my daughter.  It was kind of ugly when they separated and divorced.  The whole custody thing.  This is why God hates divorce.  Then my older son was in a horrible auto accident.  God protected him, just as he protected my daughter a year earlier when she and her car were wrapped around a tree.  My dad grows weaker each time I see him. I just pray.  God has blessed me enormously when it comes to my children.  Each one good citizens, love the Lord and make a mommy proud. 
           When I husband died, I was free.  Life could be me and my children (and grandchildren)  I was so happy.  Then I read in the Bible that young widows should get married.  I met someone who was charming and funny.  I don't talk to strangers, but he spoke to me and caught my attention with his humor.  We ended up getting married, even though I did see red flags...and I was so happy before I met him.  But God had other plans.  I have to trust this.  Besides God can take a bad choice and turn it into a blessing.  Or use it to help others.  He did this when I made the most horrible bad choice ever in my life.  But at the time I saw no hope.  I was so ashamed. So much more ashamed after I gave the gift from God back to HIM.  Whew...oh...God has used my experience to help others.  Back to my marriage.  It is not perfect.  I love my kids so much and he is very jealous  when any of my attention is on them.  It hurts.  He is very self minded.  A narcissist is the psychological term.  The world says to leave...or kick him out.  But God says not to.  Pray.  I almost did walk out of my marriage when he gave away something that I really loved (it was broken..but that's not the point) I was so hurt.  He had no regard or respect for my belongings.  I did leave for a day.  I went to see my kids.  You see we are together 24/7.  I don't like that.  I cant go anywhere without him.  If I do, he says its ok, but his attitude is anger or hurt.  I pray and prayed because I don't know how to handle him...how to communicate with him his way of narcisistant thinking.  When his son came the same time as when my daughter was here, she had to stay at my youngest son's and his son and family stayed with us.  It did work out.  I prayed about it and it all was a wonderful time.  Then when they needed help, he sold his truck.  This caused me much anger,  he didn't like helping my children.  In fact he had no empathy or compassion for them.  I would have to act like an emotional crazy person for us to help them with whatever they needed.  Selling the truck means that  I would have NO freedom.  He doesn't like being without wheels.  I prayed and prayed, the truck was bought by my son, and we still have it in our possession.  We will see how it works out.  I KNOW things will work out for the good.  God promises this.  In fact God has already been working on my husbands way of thinking.  I just need help loving him the way he is. "Sickness and in health"  I can handle the physical  problems he has and the occasional  illnesses.  God will help me with the selfmindedness....mine and his.  :)
         God is good.  HE always is.    
             

GOD SIGHTING

     At my church, we have a time of sharing "God sightings"  These are things that happen in our everyday normal lives that glorify God, reminds us of God, our prayer request or praises.  I love this time during our church service because we share with each other.  It also gives me a chance to get to know the others in my church family.  We are just a small group now, but a close group.  All different but with one thing in common, we love the Lord Jesus Christ .

    My "God sighting" for today is: My future daughter in law posted on Facebook a video of a man singing, "Victory in Jesus"  ( a beautiful hymn) She said it reminded her of her grandma who would sing it with a big smile on her face.  This post is the best post I have ever seen on Facebook.  It shows the love of Jesus shown by a grandmother.  Singing for the Lord with joy.  Her granddaughter watching and listening.  It made an impact on the grandchild.  What a legacy.  Beautiful.  My future daughter in law loves her grandma very much.  Her grandma was a big part of her childhood.  Grandparents have a huge impact on their grandchildren.  They also raised the parents of these grandchildren.  My mother's mother was the most Godly lady that I knew.  She was so loving and caring.  She reflected the Proverbs 31 women.  The Godly wife and mother.  She raised my mom who was also very Godly. My mom wanted her life to glorify God in everything she did. 
She wanted her children to Love the Lord too.  Mom loved the old hymns just as my future daughter in law's grandma did. 

 "There is joy in the Lord, there is hope in the knowledge of Him"  These are the words that come to my mind when I think of my Lord and savior, Jesus.  Our lives are not perfect.  Not mine, not my moms, not my grandma's, not my daughter in law's and not her grandma's.  But thinking that even when they were in crisis, they sang songs of worship to God.  Songs of joy.  Songs of thanksgiving.   Thank you "manda" for posting your memory of your grandma singing  about the Lord and smiling.  God is so good. 

It has been a while

   My daughter in law just updated her blog and this reminded me that I have not been here in a while.  I love to write and have a thousand thoughts in my head that I need to get out and written.  I am trying to stay away from sitting in  front of the TV, so I have been reading books and trying to read through the Bible.  Life has so many distractions.  I want to watch shows that my friends and family highly recommend, but I have so much else to do.  I will though, watch the shows, especially the ones my daughter in law recommend.  There is one in particular.  I am trying to get my house cleaned out and organized.  I have been trying to do this for many years.  It is slowly, very slowly getting done.  I am an empty nester now, so I have two rooms that I want to get set up into guest rooms, bonus rooms, extra rooms or offices.  So much has happened this year.  I was hoping that 2015 would be a great year with me getting a lot done.  But life changing events have happened.  Some good and some not so good. 

My former mother in law passed away
We filed bankruptsy
My daughter got married
My son in law died (the father of my daughter's children)  We all were devastated!!
My dad had problems with my moms estate, and I had to take over
My son was in a serious car wreck
My dad's house flooded
My dad was stuck in a hotel bath tub for seven and a half hours (we were so scared when he wouldn't answer the door)
I was put on more insulin and my diabetes is more serious
My youngest moved out on his own
His car that he just bought and is making payments on turned out to be a problem.  One thing after another and now it needs an engine.  This is expensive. 

But things are slowing getting done and getting better, thanks to much prayer.  Life is slowly returning to normal...if there is such a thing...normalcy in this life and in the good ol' USA. 

NOT DOING WELL

I love to write, and wish I did it daily.  Or even weekly.  I am angry with myself for not doing more often than I do. 

Life has been so hard lately.  Too much going on at one time.  I feel alone.  I have no one who truly cares to continue to hear my problems.  I don't want to seem like all I talk about is doom, sadness, anger.  But! I do post happy joyful things on facebook. 

With so much stress and sadness and worries, I have withdrawn from talking to people.  No one really cares except God.  My life long childhood friend cares.  But I don't want to be so depressed with her all the time.  She has her own tragic events.  I hurt for her.  I cry over her losses. 

My daughter just got married.   A happy thing.  She married a good man who loves her and her children.  she is 10 hours away.  She and the children are not here anymore.  I miss them a lot.  A happy loss.  Little did we know the events to follow.  Life changing events.  All within a two week period.  The bad within a weeks time. 

My youngest moved out with his fiancee'  My nest is empty.  He is just 3 minutes down the road, but on his own now.  Kind of a loss, but a happy one. 

My son in law (my daughter's first husband and father of the children) died.  He had been so sick and in the hospital for many months.  He had just gotten out very soon after my daughter got married.  The children were looking forward to coming here to spend the summer with their daddy.  He passed less than two weeks before they were to travel here.  They didn't get to see him before he passed.  Heartbreaking.  So heartbreaking.  Heartbreaking for his parents as well.  

The day of his memorial, my older son was in a very bad wreck.  Hurt, but not severely.  The witnesses have lied about what happened.  Well maybe not lied, but saw what happened so differently than what actually happened.    He needs an attorney. 

My marriage is bad, in my opinion.  I feel no love from my husband.  Of course he feels the same way.  He is very narcissistic in personality.  Drives me crazy!!  I hate it.  I finally told him how I feel.  But he didn't change.  Just was very defensive.  I don't know how to handle him.  I don't know what to say.  I cant talk to him.  His mind is sick. 

My father has been the executor of my moms estate and is in a horrible mess.  He doesn't understand it all.  He wont let me help.  He wants to do everything on his own.  I have lost sleep worrying over it.  What a mess. 

My heart hurt so much.  I cry a lot.  As I said earlier, I don't want to talk or see anyone that is not family.  I am very antisocial right now.    I just want my family.  Is this normal?  Do I need meds to help me feel better?   I just need time to pray and think.  Talk to my God.  He is wise beyond our comprehension.  He can make a way when there is no way. 

There is a song that Jeremy Camp sings, that I have been listening over and over and over.  HE KNOWS...HE KNOWS..EVERY HURT AND EVERY STING.... 

2015 A NEW BEGINNING.

   My new years resolution is that 2015 is going to be a good year.  Whenever I think of something negative, I will immediately think of something positive.  Bad memories....to happy thoughts.  Anger...to prayer.  Hurt feelings....to prayer. 
   I want to learn all I can about Jesus by reading the Bible.  I can get Godly wisdom by doing this and seeking God in prayer as well.  James three talks about Godly and worldly wisdom. 
   I am free to be me and I have decided to be ME!  Not worry about what others think.  God's opinion is all that matters.  I will not judge others either.  I will state the truth.  But my opinion of others doesn't matter at all.  What matters is God's opinion.   I am happy in my life and with all the people I see in my daily life.  Except for one person.  I don't know how to deal with this person.  I don't know how to live day after day with this person. 

IS THIS WHAT CHURCH IS FOR THIS "SEASON"?

                 I attend church for social reasons and to learn more about my God and Savior, Jesus Christ.  But I am beginning to think the church of the 2000s is not what it should be. 
We are told assemble together to pray and edify one another.   To worship and learn as well. 
BUT, I am beginning to wonder if a church is for Christ followers to gather together and share.  Or is it a place  for the worldly to feel better about their weekly lifestyles.   It just seems that Christ followers would want to live a life that glorifies God.  We should seek Godly wisdom and not worldly.  There is a difference.  In James 3 we learn of this. 
               I know of a church where the majority are a group of "best friends"  The pastor seems to ignore the life styles of those who attend his church.  There are people who only post photos of themselves partying it up with mixed drinks, shots and beer on the public media.  Yes they go to church and pretend they are followers of Christ.  I feel what people put on public media shows where their "treasure" is.   Then there those who have no interest in what is being said.  Women serving communion.  Children who are not Christ followers participating in communion.  Communion is a very special thing, Not to be taken lightly.  People who only attend church when there is a meal to be done before or after church service.  There is no commitment to attending church.  There are also people who think it is ok for unmarried people to live together as they were married.  People who talk on and on about things of Bible nature, yet they know not what they are talking about "Know it alls" who dominate conversations.   People who read their Bibles, yet don't do what it says.  They treat other badly and have foul mouths that spew out cuss words. 
            So do we let those who badly need Jesus to attend, but say nothing about their life styles?  Do we only have churches with those who are very interested in what God has to say through the Bible and they live their daily lives trying to glorify Him in all they do?  Am I being to judgemental? 

Love Trust and Obey: DONT ADD OR TAKE AWAY

Love Trust and Obey: DONT ADD OR TAKE AWAY: Two places in Deuteronomy God says that are not to add to his word or to take away from what he says.   This seems to be the problem with th...

DONT ADD OR TAKE AWAY

Two places in Deuteronomy God says that are not to add to his word or to take away from what he says.  This seems to be the problem with the world today.  People are changing what the Bible says...adding to it.  They are also taking away parts.  Pick and choosing the parts of the Bible to suit their lives.  This is wrong.  Children of God, followers of Jesus Christ, know that the whole Bible is truth.  We are to obey everything God says in scripture.  At the end of the Bible we are reminded of what God says in Deuteronomy.  This time with a warning.  God is serious, DO NOT ADD TO WHAT HE SAYS AND DO NOT TAKE AWAY FROM WHAT HE SAYS.