1986

1986

A very memorable year for me.  I was happily married and we had a four year old little girl.  I wanted another baby.  A baby Joshua.  1986 I was pregnant with my baby Joshua.  My favorite song for that year was Madonna's, "I'm keeping my baby"  It happened to be the number one song for the year.  Madonna and I were born on the same day.  So I like her and she sings well. 

I watched the video today and it brought back so many memories of that year, and another time in my life when I  was so in love and found myself pregnant.  I married the guy of that haunting time of life.  It was 1978.   I had wanted to be a mommy ever since I was 8 years old.  Here I was pregnant.  But I felt no hope and was in fear of losing my job.  The shame of  being pregnant and not married.  We were both young, he was VERY young.  Marriage was not an option.  Three years later, marriage was the answer, and so we married.    I watched the video and cried.  Why wasn't I bold to say to everyone,  "I'M KEEPING MY BABY! I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOMMY. IT IS ALL I WANTED IN LIFE."    God did give me three children.  Five pregnancies.  The first one, I gave back to God.  The horror and shame that I felt for  so many years.  My biggest regret in life.  I also had a miscarriage, but didn't know I was pregnant until then.  That was a blessing, (another long story) but God had my back.  I think back to the days of my youth and I would not change a thing.  I wish I had kept the baby, but now I truly understand God's forgiveness.  He loves me.   My husband passed away and even though we had a rocky marriage, I cherish it.  I miss him a lot.  A whole new life began a year after he died...another long story for later.  

My baby is with Jesus and that's all that matters.  He loves all the little children.  .


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G333Is7VPOg