I Just Feel This Way

Yes, I just feel this way.  I am a failure.  I fail at almost everything I do.  I get excited about something and do it, only to fail at it.  I try to do nice things for people, only to fail.   I want friends so desparately and I say something and scare them away.  I try to be positive and loving and kind.  But I guess I am not the kind of person that people like.  So depressing.  I am so lonely.  I have no friends.  I was so excited about making pumpkin soup for Halloween, but no one ate any.  I had to take it home.  My feelings are so hurt.  Last Halloween I made a graveyard cake.  No one ate any. 
I volunteered to be on a prayer group and I failed at that.  I failed at a volunteer job that I had. Christians are supposed to help each other.  We are family after all.   There    was  a time  that we  were desparte for finances and all we got was a box of food.  I am being boldly honest.  Our taxes had to be paid or the sherrif was going to put us out, our house would be forclosed on.  Food did help with a small portion of the finances.  However it was not food that I nomally buy..not for a diabetic. They did not ask what kinds of food we eat.  Perhap the buyer was buying for my son.  Some of the food was bought in such a large amount that it would go bad before it would be eaten.  We donated some of the food to the tornado victims.   I dont ask for help until I am so desparate.  I believe the Bible says to help other christians esp. members of the church.  They even collect money to help others on the 5th Sunday.  I am sure there was reasons for what happened with it all.  The lack of communication was the actual final indication that I did not belong at that church any more.  Time to move on.
This is satan making feel so worthless.  I am not good at anything he tells me.  Lord, I need you to tell me what I am good at.  I need someone to tell me they love me.  I dont feel cared about.  I feel so alone.  All this does not include my husband.  He works hard and is gone a lot.  He loves me.  Someone told me when I feel bad, to wait 24 hours and see how I feel then.  The bible says to keep doing good if surrounded by bad whether it be a bad situation, a bad feeling, a feeling of failure.  Pray on the situation.  Wait for Gods replay.  Know He is in control.  Hide in the Lord.  Be at Peace.   Read the Bible. 
I was in a Friendship Bible study and I said something very bad, now I am not in it anymore.  I had prayer requests on the prayer chain and my update was not posted.  Just because I dont go to that church anymore, I am banned from all the perks.   Well, I will spend today praying and reading God's word And doing what I would normally do. 
I admit that I am lazy.  I watch too much tv.  I am lax in my health.  I dont cook for my son.  I have so much to do and dont do it.  For years I blamed it on having to work, but now my life is staying home and managing a house hold.  I waste it.  I need motivation, I guess.  God motivate me.  But when I do get motivated to do something, I fail : (    The pumpkin soup.  : (        : ' (        : ' O

Why??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzQwqpjHQV0&feature=related


More love...more power...MORE OF YOU IN MY LIFE.  I WILL WORSHIP YOU , WITH ALL OF MY LIFE....

 I have been troubled by all of the pain in the world.  Why is there so much hate and malice?  Why do husbands hit their wives?  Why do parents hurt, torture, kill their children?  Why do people hurt the disabled and take advantage of them?  Why do people starve animals?  Why do  people kill their pets who love them unconditionally?  Why do people hurt the elderly?    Why all the hurt?    Heart breaking!  Yes it is.  All I can do is speak out! All I can do is Pray for those who inflict pain and for those who are hurt.  We all need Jesus in our lives.  He is our comfort, our rest, our peace, our refuge, hour hiding place.  He is our savior! 

Please Lord bring Peace to our hurting world.  Let us all help each other.  Let us all spread love and peace.  Your love and peace!  The love and peace that only comes from knowing you , Jesus.  

IN MY DEFENSE...

     The Bible says to not judge. That is God's job.   I have been critisized for letting my "circumstances" interphere with a commitment I made for a mission.  When I made this commitment, my circumstances were far different.  My husband and I had to make sacrifices.   This commitment was to serve God by helping other ladies.  I was all fired up to do this, but then the fire died.  I truly believe that God did that.  He had other plans for me.  I lost the peace that I had when I made the decision that I wanted to do this mission.  People say that God uses us in our weaknesses...we need to step out in faith.  I was told I just need confidence.  Oh I could do it.  I have confidence, I just think family comes first.  If your family needs you, then they are more important under the roles  of God.  God, Family, others, then self.  But be sure that all you do is God honoring and Glorifies Him.   My husband is more important than something I wanted to do to help others.  God made Eve to help Adam.  A wife is a husband's helpmate.  My husband needs me to be available to him.  My life is scheduled around him and my children.  These are not "circumstances".   I was told that another lady had a son in a terrible accident and she was still able to stick to her commitment.  That was her choise.  I am not her.   I have overcome a lot.  My life has not been an easy one.  So dont judge me.  I have my ways of serving others and honoring God.  I have a peace with it.  I am sorry that people get upset or angry at me because of what I do with my life. 

I will confess that I need to be more adimitt in what I want to do.  I waste a lot of time doing nothing.  I truly believe though that my life right now is to serve my husband, my dad, and my children.  I am so blessed that God gave me a husband who agrees that my job is at home, not outside the home.  For years and years I worked to support the family.  I did it all...everything!    I am trying to find a way to serve in my church.  I try to help as much as I can where ever I see a need. 

This person who was critical needs to see that I have my passion in life and it is different than hers.  Hers is this mission of serving and helping women in a certain area.  She did help me grow and to learn that I am forgiven for a terrible thing I did.  She is a great and loving friend.  Something I have been praying about...a good friend.   I dont need confidence...I just need to do what is in my heart to serve God and others.  God will give me His plans for me.  Until I hear from God, I will do what I feel is important and where my passion is.  I am praying over this.  I have many areas that I could help others just based on what I have gone through in my life.    God Bless you for reading my blogs.  Please dont be to judgemental or critical.  I dont handle negativity very well...I take it to heart and feel depressed.  This is something I need to work on...just being able to shrug off comments made to me.  I have learned not to stuff my anger.  If I am angered, I will say something about it and I try to quote what the Bible says relating to the situation.  

It is all about JESUS

This is a good short film (33 minutes)  about Christianity.  The importance of Jesus our saviour. 

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The bible tells us not to judge others or we will be judged.  God is the judge of all, so it is not up to us to do so.  I am bothered by the different religions judging each other and thinking they are the right religion.  All that matters is if you believe that Jesus , born of a virgin,  was God's son sent to earth to die on the cross for our sins and he rose again.  If your worship is praising and focusing on Jesus and the Holy Bible, it doesnt matter how you worship.  We as Christians are to live a simple life, serve others, and share Jesus with others.  Keeping Him as our focus for life and looking to Him in all situations.   The church is the Bride of Christ and Jesus is the groom.  Think about this.  I will share more on this topic later.    Christians dont have the right to just do as they please and commit sins and think, "oh, I am forgiven"  If you love God then you should want to glorify him with your life.  You should want to live for Him.  But, we are human and we do sin.  Acknowledge your sins, appologize, repent (turn away) from the sin.  This is hard and if we ask for God's help, he will help us to get over a sin.  He will help us stop the sin.  Satan knows our weaknesses, but if we just ask for God's help, He will defeat Satan.  Sometimes you just have to say out loud "Flee Satan!"  " I love Jesus!  He is my savior and I follow him!"    Being a Christian does not mean your life will be easy, but with God's help you can have peace while going through hard times.    There is so much to say but I have to just write a little at a time.  I will write more later and I am going to write on the topics of friendship, marriage, and the Christian life as time goes on.   The Bible says to think on good things, holy things, positive things, loving things, kind things.  Love...Jesus is Love...Peace...Jesus gives us Peace...Obey...read the Bible and do what it says...Trust that God is in control no matter what!.....Pray...talk to God all day.  Pray without ceasing.   Dont tolorate sin...confront it!  If you accept sin because you dont want to offend someone..that is not Love.  Set Godly boundries.  If someone hurts you, or offends you..pray for them, give them a blessing.  This is what the Bible says to do.   Until Later...God Bless you

The Start of Something New!

I am going to write a story and my thoughts.  I am not sure if I should write the whole story or write parts and have thought blogs inbetween.  At this point in time, I want to write about friendship.  I will later write about marriage, children, abortion, more on marriage and marriage again.  But for now, I will start with Friendship.   Well, hold the boat...A little about myself...or not.   To be continued........

What the World Needs Now is Love and Peace

I am so saddened by all the hurt going on in my  state of North Carolina.  A woman gets her 13 year old son to kill her husband because he threatened to kill the 15 year old daughter because she is pregnant.  Such a mixed up sad family.  Totally depressing.

 People killing their loved ones because the loved one left or broke up with them.  So many shootings over heartbreaks. 

A man kills 8 people and injuring others because his wife left him. 

A man kills his 10 month old step daughter and blames it on Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome. 

People on drugs trying to dull the pain they are in.

Lately I have just cried over the hurting people, the angry people, depressed, and sick.  I am heartbroken over the abuse of children, elderly and animals.  Why are people so hateful.  Why are they hurting so bad? Where is the love?  Why dont they have peace?   They need Jesus.  Satan has control of them.  Flee satan! 
I pray for those being abused and those who are the abusers.  The abusers need love and help! 

There is a family in my neighborhood who has a big dog on a short chain in their back yard.  They also have at least 5 dogs in a small pen and at least one more in another pen.  Is this legal?  Is it legal outside of city limits?  Sad.  

I have to confess that I need do more for the glory of God.  I need God to use me more.  Or am I doing enough just taking care of my family and my home.  I could do more for my home.  I want a home that my family feels welcome to come to and they feel safe and can relax and feel loved.  I want to feel that people can come to my house and I wont feel they are judging me because my house if falling apart.  Repairs cost lots of money and we are not able finacially to do repairs.  I am sorry if my house does not look beautiful like most peoples homes.  I want my house to be a home.  A Christian home.  This is Jesus' home too.  I do the best I can, but could tidy up more everyday. 

I have been given the gift of being able to stay home and be a "homemaker"  This was my life dream and my 2nd husband gave me this life.  He works hard and I want to be a helper so that he can work and support his family.  This is what the Bible says to do.  I had to work for many years and now I am able to stay home and do what I had wanted to do ever since I was a child.  I just wanted to be a stay home mommy.  God  and my late (this means he has passed away) husband gave me three wonderful children. 

My husband and I agreed that this is how we want our marriage to be.  When he didnt have a job and we were desparate, we depended on God.  Jehovah Jirah!   

I seem to have gone off on a tangent, but it is very depressing all the hurt and anger going on in the world.  Jesus can take your pain away.  Trust Him, Obey Him and Seek Him. 

GOD USES US IN UNEXPECTIONG WAYS

 To day was a good sermon day in many churches.  A few of my friends have shared what the sermons they heard were about.  All good Biblical advice on how to deal with life as we know it now. 

My church was about life changing events and how God uses them to get our attention, or to bring us closer to him.  He tells us to do things that are uncomfortable.  He uses us in our weaknesses.  Moses is a great example.  Ex 2-4.  His whole life was in God's plan for him.  He didnt feel worthy to do the job that God sent him to do, but God was with him.  He trusted and obeyed (after giving so many excuses why he was not the man for the job)  But he was a great man that God picked out. 

A friend shared that no matter what we are going through, we need to just keep our eyes on Jesus.  Jesus told his 12 that he will be leaving  and that they will be persecuted.  Life had been good for them as they traveled with Jesus.  But after Jesus died, they were critisized.  Jesus told them to just keep their eyes on him.  It doent matter what is going on in our lives as long as we keep looking to Jesus for everything we need.  For peace.  

Another friend shared this, "Keep moving forward...doing what God has told you to do. Don't back down, don't give up, don't conform to the world. Be a friend, help others and show God's love."

What great words to live by. 

Just remember to Pray! Talk to Jesus.  Give him your glory, praise him, and lay your burdons down (and dont pick them back up!!  )Let go of the Boat (a story for later)    Read the Bible EVERYDAY!!  and do what it says.  Trust what God is telling you.  I will not be what the world says or it may not make sense..but do it!!!  Life will be so much better if you just do everything God's way.   You will be blessed.