AN AWESOME POEM

twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled wit...h such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Written by Cameo Smith, Mt. Wolf, PA (my hometown)See More

What a day

It is a sad world when a person thinks happiness comes from smoking pot all day, getting drunk on a regular basis, not working because people enable you to live the free life, and lusting after women, having sex with anyone before the marriage commitment. Along with that is making someone obey you by beating them..people or animals. Does any of this truly make you happy? Any of these activities will bring you grief and heartache. You just wait. Those who want to help you, will stop because immoral behavior is not acceptable.

Dreams

I was at a meeting last night and was asked if I ask forgiveness for what I dream.  Never thought about that.  Dreams are not  conscious thoughts, but they are in our mind.  I have had dreams that I wondered how my mind could think of such evil things.  This what he was talking about..ask forgiveness for these types of dreams. 

I wrote another blog today, but wanted to write this one on dreams.  At the end of my previous blog, I referenced a boat.  My September 3rd blog is my "LET GO OF THE BOAT" story.  It is not finalized yet.  I plan on perfecting it and making it more of a poem.  Anyway.....


"Let Go of the Boat" came from a dream I had.  Some dreams are good like this one was.  Some are bad..like the following...

I was working in a school room cleaning it up.  There was a boy and girl there, kind of strange, they were just wandering around the room.  I left to go home to eat supper.  Everything at home was happy.  I didnt want to leave, but I had to to finish cleaning the classroom for the teacher of this room.  I got there and layed my purse down and began cleaning.  A little  boy was sort of helping me.  A little girl with dark eyes was just wandering around the room.  Three very rough looking teen boys came into the room and were asking me questions.  The little boy had to leave, so I walked him out and watched him walk away into the night.  I went back and finished cleaning.  The little girl (who had on a red dress) was just standing there.  The teens were gone.  I knoticed my purse was gone.  I asked the girl, she just stared.  Along with her dark eyes, she had a very angry looking face.  I couldnt leave until I found my purse.  It had my life in it. (phone, money, credit cards, etc)  I went to the office to call my husband..but the phones didnt work.  The principal came in, he was dressed very feminime..very flashy.  He behaved the same..flashy and very strange.  He was no help.  The teacher  came in and I talked to her, but she ignored me.  Adults came in without children.  I thought these were parents of her students.  They looked like they were in a trance.  They sat at the small desks.  THESE WERE HER STUDENTS!   The teens came in and told me they took my purse and I had to find it.  Then they were gone.  I went into the next classroom and it was a dorm type room with beds and dressers and a bathroom.  Very deranged students lived in this room.  They all left, so I started searching for my purse.  The bathroom was filthy.  I pulled out drawers to the dressers and nightstands...all the drawers were upside down and empty!!  There was a separate little room at the back of the big room.  I started into the room, when a child said, "That's Otis's room.  He will kill you"  Otis wasn't in it, so I went in and found my purse on his dirty bed.  I ran out of that school and down the sidewalk.  AWAKE!!   This disturbed me.  Why would I dream that?? 
A dream about evil people.  disturbed evil people.  Scary. 

Overwhelming : (

Well..I have so much I want to write about.  It is the time of year of joy and holidays.  Peace and Love.  Family.  Hmmm SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY!  

Today I look around and see sad things.  I am trying to find the positive.  I am looking forward a new Grandson.  This is very joyous!  Praises that my husband has a job..but work is very slow now thanks to Sandy.  Yes still slow. 

I sometimes just write to "vent".  Writing is theraputic.  I also pray and God gives me Peace. 

I dont talk much.  Out of fear people will run away from me or will argue with me.  I dont like conflict at all.  THIS is a weakness of mine.  I also dont say anything sometimes because what will come out of my mouth will be anger.  I dont have the ability to speak "in love" 
My favorite saying of all is "If you can't say something nice , dont say nothing at all"  (THUMPER)

 

 I thought the politcal stuff would stop after the election. The negativity is making me sick!! Where is the love? But I cant say anything negative to anyone or speak my mind because I get attacked like a lion pouncing to tear my mouth up.  

The elections are over and I thought all the hate would stop.  But it continues.  Christians are being hateful about Obama.  Pray for the man!  He is the head of our country.  But God is the head of the world.  God is control!  Stop complaining!  Look to our God and Saviour.  HE loves us very much.  Show him you love HIM too.  Sing Praises!  

 

A woman is so unhappy in her marriage so she feels it is  ok to have an affair.  What about her children?  She is neglecting them.  If she hates her husband that much, why does she leave her children in his care 98% of the time?  He is doing an awesome job of being a father to his children.  This man is not well, but does the best he can.  He loves his wife so very much and tries so hard to please her.  He is a truly a gentle soul.  Yes he has had his times of rage and has hurt her physically and emotionally.  I UNDERSTAND!  MORE THAN SHE KNOWS..I UNDERSTAND!  I too have made the wrong choises to deal with my hurt.  Circumstances are different..simular yet different.  God used mine to bring me closer to him.  He forgave me and he was patient.  Maybe I should be patient with this woman.  It breaks my heart though that she is "so happy" now and justifies her behavior....but she is blind to the fact that she is neglecting her husband and children.  She is focused on herself.  Please God get her focus back on YOU.   Bring her back to you Lord. 

I get so upset by evil people living evil lives and thinking everyone owes them something.  They depend on others to GIVE them what they NEED.  They spend their money on what they WANT.     When deeds of kindness are done for them, they are ungrateful.  So why would anyone want to continue doing nice things for them?  Is this the wrong attitude? 
How can people live a happy life getting drunk, getting high, having sex with man after man?   I dont get it!!   Then they complain when life is hard.  I want to scream.....YOU DONT HAVE JESUS IN YOUR LIFE!!!"   

I try to be a loving example of Christ's love.  I know the bible says to not grow weary doing good.   But my heart is broken for people not living for Christ. 

I cry over all the people mentioned in this blog.  I pray for all of them.  

I need to put them in the boat...and let go of the boat. 

LET GO OF THE BOAT, LAURIE!!

Pot..Yeah, THAT'S THE WAY TO LIVE!

The Bible says that if a man doesn't work, he wont eat.  Meaning a man should work if he wants God to provide food for him.  This is why we say a blessing before we eat, thanking God for the food.  A man should not make his wife (or in todays world..his girlfriend, mother of his children) go out and work while he stays home and smokes pot or drinks.  Leaving a child in the care of a person like this is just sinful.  I know someone who works and leaves her baby with her pot smoking boyfriend.  He doesn't want to work...manual labor is just too hard.  Now she is talking about getting a second job.  Why did she have a child if she wants to be away from it all the time.  Thank the Lord she didn't abort like she did in the past.  This couple complains they dont have any money to pay the electric or the rent.  But they can buy pot, cigarettes and alcohol.  Hmmm 
Their excuse for him not working...he has to babysit.  SHE should be home with the child and HE go to work.  That is God's way.  I know in these economic times a man may be out of a job.  If he is looking though, at least he is "working" at finding employment.  Not just being lazy and getting high.  . 

PETE AND REPEAT

 I know that I repeat a lot in my blogs.  I am getting older so forgive me please.  I am in a Bible study on friendship.  I love learning more about Jesus and His example of friendship. 

I used to be the "fun" friend.  Growing up, I was the "life of the party" and made people laugh.  Somehow somewhere this person "died"  I blame it on emotional abuse.  I was scared to be myself for many years.  I want to be a fun friend.  I have lost the ability to make friends.  I am desparate to learn how to do this again.  But I am blessed with people I consiter friends.  I guess I try to hard to get everyone to like me and want to be around me.  I try to hard to find a "best" friend.  I have a best friend.  She has been my best friend since I was 9.  But sadly she lives in another state.  I have to admit..I DO have friends.  But I feel I am not the kind of friend I want to be.  I had a life lesson this past week.  I will talk about this later.   It has to do with conflict and someone still being my "friend" even though I behaved badly.  She thought nothing of it. 

To come later, I will write on my DIRTY LAUNDRY and how God loves and forgives me.  He sent his son to die for me!  He sent his son to die for you too!! 

I DO MULTIPLE TOPICS

    I have read many blogs and have noticed that most write on a single topic.  Their blogs flow with each blog they write.  They connect. 

Me, well, I do multiple topics.  I write on what God is teaching me. I write on what I want to teach others.  I write poetry.  I write reviews on books and movies.  In the future, I am going to write on abortion recovery.  I was trained to be able to lead a support group or on one on support for abortion recovery.  I loved doing this, so now I will just include abortion recovery from time to time.   I will also write on events in my personal life.  So, you can see that I don't stick to one topic each time I write.  I also write reviews for Traveladvisor.  This is a site to write reviews on tourism and traveling for many different things such as hotels, sights, restraunts, etc. 

I just watched a movie entitled, "Helen".  About a woman who was very depressed. It was kind of slow moving.  She ended up being treated with electro shock.  This seemed to help her the best, even though she lost part of her memory.  Prior therapies did not work for her.  It was educational as to showing what severe depression is like for those who suffer with it.   But the movie was kind of boring in parts. 

Thanks for reading and please come back again. 

SO MANY DIFFERENCES

I have visited many different churches throughout my lifetime.  Most do things the same,  but in different ways.  I feel that whatever a church does to worship and honor God is OK.  What matter the most is if they believe that God sent his son , born from a virgin, to die on the cross and be risen.  Jesus is his son and Mary is Jesus' mother.  Also what is important is that the church believes the whole Bible is true and that it is God's word.  I just wanted to write about some of the differences I has seen.  None of them are wrong in my opinion.

Offering: Some churches take offering at the end of the service, some at the very beginning, some in the middle and some just have a box where you deposit your offering on your way in or on your way out. 

Communion: I have been to many churches who pass the cup just the same way they pass the offering plate and the whole church drinks at the same time.  Then they repeat with the body of Christ.  For the body of Christ, there have been oyster crackers, little unleavened bread or something else.  I have also had both the cup and bread passed at the same time and you just take communion on your own.  I have been to churches where you walk to the front for communion.  One time everyone just tore off a piece of bread from a large uncut loaf.  Some have little or large disc's.  As for the blood of Christ (the cup) some churches  use grape juice or real wine.  I was surprised at I took communion at one church and the cup had real wine in it.  Children also get the same cup of real wine.  Some churches use koolaide. 

Music:  Very formal large choirs, or very casual choirs.  Some churches have a band and some just a piano.  Huge organs are found at some churches. 

Big pulpit's or little ones.  Some pastors just stand before the parisheners and talk without a microphone.  Even microphones are
different. 

I enjoy the differences. 

LET GO OF THE BOAT!!!

MORE THAN JUST A BOAT

It was a beautiful sunny day, a nice breeze was blowing on the day that I took my bundles to the beach.

The waves were calm. The boat just rocked slowly in the water.
It was still partly on the sand so I could easily toss my bags into the boat.
I had bags of various sizes.

The big bags were heavy, but they were the easiest to toss into the boat

I had been told that I should toss all my bags into the boat.

One by one, I surrendered them to the boat.
Darkness was setting in.
As the tide came in, the waves were getting bigger

And the boat was rocking more and more.
I needed to get all my bags in the boat.
By the time I got them all in, the boat was rocking heavily.
Up and down went the boat.

I had to hang onto the boat so it wouldn’t float away.
I stood there holding the boat which was getting harder and harder to do.

I thought maybe I should take back some of the bags.

But I couldn’t reach in and get them for the boat as rocking too hard.
The waves were getting rougher and I was just hanging on.

Hanging on to the boat containing all my baggage.
It was getting so hard

To keep my

Grip on

the boat.




Holding on to the all my worries, my troubles, my heartaches, my burdens, my sins,

everything that I needed to unload into the boat.
" But some of them need to come back out! I can deal with them myself!!" I told myself.

I just kept holding on to the boat

As the waves grew stronger.

Holding,
holding,

Holding.



“LET GO OF THE BOAT!” HE SAID.

 

COMING SOON..YE'ALL COME ON BACK..PLEASE

 I am going to write reviews for books and movies..  The books are childrens chapter books that I have had since I was a child.  The movies are just random movies.  I just saw one that I really enjoyed, and it had a message to it.  It is listed under suspense and horror, but it is no where like either of these.  The movie is entitled, "The Tall Man"   About good and bad.  With a twist.  I highly recommend it.  Please come back from time to time.  I dont write on any kind of schedule, I just write when I have time, or the spirit moves me. 

Just Repeating.

Some of the things I write, are things I learned in Sunday School or in Church.  I am not trying to commit plagerizm by repeating what I have heard.  I hope people dont mind me repeating things that I have learned.  

I feel I have some kind of charactor flaw.  People seem to like me ok, and then I talk to them and they avoid me. I dont get invited to Bible studies.  I have offered my help, but I am not asked to help.  I am so lonesome.  Summer is better since my son is home.  But most of the time, I am home alone and bored!  Even though I have a thousand things to do.  When I am home, I am just so depressed and I dont do anything.  I guess my lot in life is to just be alone.  BUT I AM A PEOPLE PERSON!!   The people who took advantage of me, are the ones who everyone likes.  I am just stating how I feel.  You know, I used to be a very funny person.  But somehow that person died.  

The other day I was thinking how happy I was.  I guess I need to focus on my blessings and just not think about that ails me.  I am happy!  Really!! 

FORGIVE US OUT DEBTS AS WE FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS

 "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors"  One way that we say the Lords Prayer.  What is debt?  Is it always financial?  When we owe someone something.  Can oweing someone something be a slave/master situation?  It is a sin to be in debt or to owe anything to anyone.  What if you are the debtor?  What if you are the debtee?  What does the Bible say about being in debt?  What does the Bible say if someone owes you a debt?  What if you are overwhelmed with debt and have very little money?  What if your financial debt is part of your past or brought on by someone else.  So many questions that I hope to find answers to in God's Word.  What is God telling us??

Sorry, But I Have To Vent

Pondering this: Why dont people just go and get a job?  Instead of depending on others to house and feed them.  I know there are not many jobs out there, but make an attempt.  Flipping burgers is a job.   Instead they have sex out of marriage and have babies, but don't work.  Some expect others to just support them, others are doing the best they can and ask for nothing, and yet they suffer.  Having sex is for the those who are married. This is God's rule.   Some have sex with someone they just met.  Sex is for love.  How can a person know they love someone when they just met?   Some have sex just so they can be in a rich family.  They make excuses for their partner being a criminal.   Some are just young and in love.  Some are pot heads and drunks and then stop to become pregnant and think they are the best parent and know everything there is about parenting.  How can people survive without money?  How can they have babies with out money.  I know there are times that people need help from others but it should be temparary.  Not for the rest of their lives.  Sometimes a person needs government help.  Fine, but not forever!  I dont understand this partying all the time, sex without love and producing babies...and never working a job, just living off of someone else.  Children are supposed to grow up and go out on their own.  Not still living with their grandparents and parents and be totally dependant on them.  Then they wonder why their parents try to control them.  they are still under their parent's roof!!   I know sometimes this is the best for them.  If they are working then that makes it better.  They are doing the best they can until they can move out.  Praise the Lord for parents who do allow their adult children move in with them while they can get back on their feet.  As long as they are making an effort, all is fine.  But to allow your childs partner to live in the house too, makes no sense to me.  I can understand if the young people were married.   Sometimes it is best to not get married because there is a baby involved.  Having sex with someone you are not in love with is not right and then producing a baby out of this union is no reason to get married unless you love each other.  Kudos though for not aborting.  Abortion is the ultimate child abuse.   If you dont want a baby, then give it to someone who does.  To say you will abort again after having a baby just because you dont want a baby at that time, is insanity.  I fear for the child you have already.  If you would kill children, then whats to stop you from harming the one you have?    Some are so ready to become parents and some are not.  If married, then this shows you are ready for the responsibility of becoming a parent.  Dont have sex until you are married.  Your life will be so much better.  Well yeah..Babies are a joy and the best thing on earth!  It is hard to be a parent, but the love a child has for his parents is unconditional and so the parents need to have this overwhelming love for their child.  I just worry about people who are not ready to have  a baby, those who are druggies, and those who would have sex with anyone who lets them, and those who think everyone is going to house and feed them and they dont have to do a dang thing and be productive citizens.  I think sex before marriage is the root of all evil.  But you can be forgiven.  Jesus is the answer.  But you also have to change your ways and live to glorify and serve Jesus.  Yes Christians are to serve others too, but this is not just giving and giving to someone who is not doing anything for themselves.  Help them help themselves.  Remember the fish story in the Bible.  Teach a man to fish.  Dont fish and give him your fish.  Having him over for a fish meal is serving and loving.  But to just give away your hard earned fish everyday is not love.  Teaching him to fish is love.   I am done.

Psalms 37

I have been reading Psalms 37 over and over.  The message I get is to not fret and just be quiet.  Focus on Jesus.  After I pray over a situation and find peace, I will say more. 

I am thinking of using my blog for reviews too.  Book reviews and movie.  Come back again..

I have not written much lately.  I keep getting messages from things people say and things I have read that I should not lead anyone astray.  I dont want to say something that is wrong and have people follow me because of it.  I want to say truths set by God.  I certainly don't want to send someone down the wrong path..away from God.  But if the truth hurts, so be it.  If you love God you will follow Him and want to please him.  You would want to do what he says to do.  You would not want to do what he says to NOT do!!  So I stopped writing for a while.   But I love writing..so I wont stop. 

IN RESPONSE..

 In Roman16:17-20)

17 Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. 18 For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting. 19 For the report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good, and innocent in what is evil. 20 And the God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.s it says, "

The wolves are creeping in.  In fact now that this Amendment one in North Carolina has passed, the wolves are being wolves!  They are heads of congregations too.  It is so saddening and bringing out anger.  Satan loves anger and rage.  Christians should not fight back.  Those who voted against are very upset and they are being hateful saying that those who voted "for" are for hate and that we are teaching our children hate.  Not true.  Everything we Christians do is based on what God has taught us.  Sin is not OK.  Never!  God has rules and we are to follow them.  If you go against God's rules your life will have turmoil.  Sex is for after marriage.  If everyone did as God said, there would not be all this controversy with unmarried couples and their children born out of wedlock.  They can turn their attitudes around and find this love that they are preaching that everyone is supposed to have.  They can turn their eyes upon Jesus and he will take care of them. 

Yes, God is all about Love.  He sent Jesus to die for us out of love.  But God is also vengful to those who dont accept His Son.  He is also vengful to those who disobey his "rules" 

This amendment has split up families and friends.    They are just blind and dont understand.  We can just pray as Jesus did when he was on the cross.  "Forgive them for they know not what they do." 

So how can we be angry with them?  It is not their fault that they are chasing the wrong thing. 

I just get so upset when they attack those who do understand.  We know the truth.  And if we did vote the wrong way, God can take a bad thing and turn it in to a good thing. 

Manners

What has happened to this thing called Manners or Good ediquette??  When a person gets an invitation, they should RSVP.  Respond Very Promply (I think)    Another thing that is bugging me is why do people think they dont have to do anything and that everyone owes them.  They are very self minded.  They dont show happiness for anyone else but when good things happen to them they expect everyone to just flock and celebrate with them.  They also dont say thank you for gifts they are given. 

Ok! Enough

It is so sad that there is so much conflict.  People disagreeing about almost EVERYTHING!  I am not going to go into the mess that North Carolina is in right now because of the Amendment one situation.  Then there is the Time Magazine with the breast fed child and his mom on the cover.  Oh my goodness, people are in an uproar about that.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But dont put others down for what their opinion is.  It is ok for a woman to give her child mommy milk.  There is a limit, though.  I dont think 2 or 3 is to old.  A woman can choose how long she wants to nurse her baby.  Everyone is different.  If you disagree and it has nothing to do with sinful behavior, then just be silent.  You dont have to agree.  God made woman to feed her babies.  The Bible says to be peaceful.  You can point out a sin but do it with love and not anger.  If a the sinful person doesnt listen..so what.  Dont take it personally.   Of course this is an area I need to work on.  I take everything personally and I dont like conflict at all.  It take me a while to get over insults.  This is my weakness.  I cant just shrug off hurtful things that are said to me.  God is working with me on this.  I have come a long way in not lashing out in anger or RAGE!  I now try to walk away. Or I  tell myself that, "They do not know what they do."   I just take it to the Lord and he gives me peace. 

Confused or Paranoid

Maybe I am trying to hard.  Too hard at what??  At being a Christian.  I think I understand it all and that I am doing well, then someone says something and I think the comment was directed at me.   Or is this paranoia?  All I know is that I am tired of feeling self conscious.  Self..maybe that is the word.  I am focusing on myself.   I am trying to not let this court judgement thing overwhelm me.  The court says I have to pay.  The lier won.  It is not fair.  I want to to the right thing in God's eyes.  What do I do?  Lord, What do I do??   I dont have any money.  I owe so much money.  so many doctor bills.  I want to do what is right.  I dont want to be sinful.  The Bible says to "BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD!"   So I will do nothing right now and be still and focus on God.,  Pray and Read the Holy Scriptures. 

B.I.B.L.E.

When I first heard this little saying...B.I.B.L.E. stands for "Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth"  I thought, "oh that is cool.  It is an instruction book"   But it is so much more than that!   It is more than just basic instruction.  It contains deep instructions, commands, and laws FROM GOD!  God is talking to us through the Bible.  The Bible is God's words.  Everything HE wants us to know.  Our history, how to live as Jesus lived, how to be Christ like, how to treat others to Glorify Him.  Every word in the Bible is has to do with God's son, Jesus Christ.  The Bible is the best book ever because it is God talking to his children.  He is showing us that he loves us.  He is our Heavenly father.  I have said before to read the Bible..read what God is saying to you.  Act on what you have read...Do it God's way.  His way is the best way.  We cant see it sometimes..but trusting Him to take care of us is all that matters. Trust Him.  We cant trust people or ourselves like we can Trust God.  He knows what is best! 

Once again, evil has prevailed.  Even through the courts, evil prevails.  How we react is important.  Satan would want us to be angry, get depressed, and go over the trial over and over in our heads. 
I had an appeal trial in front of a jury.  This young man lied and contradicted himself over and over.  I didnt have money for an attorney (he didnt have one either)  He still won and now there is a judgement against me.  That was THE most stressful day in my life.  My whole body ached when it was over.  I felt so sick and exhausted.  It consumed my mind for a couple of days.  But satan wont win by making me feel bad or tramatized.  God wants me to look to Him.  To find comfort in Him.  To find a  hiding place in Him.  Jesus went through so much more as the result of evil people.  He did this for Me!  He did it for you too.   There may be a lesson in all of this for me.  God will reveal it to me sometime.  Or he may just have a lesson for all that were involved.  Only God knows.  He is in control.  I will just be happy and trust God.  

To be honest, I dont have the money this young man was awarded.   It wont bother me if he goes to the steps to get payment.  What ever he needs to do, I will fully co-operate to get this debt removed.  I just know that I was honest in court, he was dishonest.  God, me and this young man KNOW what the truth was.   The jury fell for his lies.  Oh well.    I still have so much more to Praise God for.  I will be ok.

THAT WAS THEN....

THAT WAS THEN..

“It’s positive” she whispered

“WE DON’T DO ABORTIONS” the Crisis Pregnancy center lady bellowed

“You are making the right decision” the abortion center informed

“I don’t want to be here” I wept

“I have wanted to be mommy my whole life” I hinted

“Just send me home” I said to myself.

“I love children!!” I agonized.

“This will prove it” She declared

“By not bring an unplanned baby into the world” she dictated.

“I wonder if it is a boy or girl” I questioned

“It is not a baby, it is a fetus…it is just tissue” She protested

“a blueprint . Just like you have a blueprint for a house. The paper is not a house. Same way a fetus is not a baby” she maintained

“ I am scared! That man looks evil” I silently cried out

“Oh my God! It’s a vacuum cleaner!!” I thought in horror.

“You need to be on some type of birth control” she ordered

“before you can leave” she went on

“I am never having sex again” I revealed

“You cant just stop having sex” she retorted

“You will be back in a year” she uttered.

“I am never doing this again!!” I hissed

“I am overwhelmed with sadness” I divulged

“Lies. Lies. Lies” I shuttered

“Where is the hope?” I whimpered

                                   TO BE CONTINUED......THIS IS NOW
please come back again


THIS IS NOW.......

"It is positive"  I whispered

"I'm pregnant! Please help!" I exclaimed

"Would you like to come in and discuss it"  She spoke softly

"I want my baby!"  I affirmed.


"You made the right decision"  She reassured

"I love children!" I divulged.

"This will  prove it" She justified.

"By loving this gift from God"   She went on.

"The Bible says that God knitted every baby in its mother's womb"  She revealed.

"I don't want to have sex again"  I released.

"Abstinence is God's plan"  She informed

"Sex is a very special act between a married man and woman"  She continued.

"Jesus loves you and so do we"  She testified.

"I am so happy!"  I shed tears

"There IS Hope!"   I  rejoiced

"There is truth in the Lord"  She shared.

If there you or someone you know is in a crisis pregnancy, there is a place in Clayton, NC that you can go to and find the love of Jesus.  Help and resources too.  iChoose a Care Net center.

I TRIED

    It is hard to strike up conversation with someone who you have no idea what to talk about.  Me being sort of antisocial (shy) doesnt help.  I got the feeling that this person didnt really want to talk to me.  I asked if he watched the Oscar's and what movies he has seen.  He said he doesnt watch many movies.  But listening to him talk...he has seen many movies.  I started talking about TV shows.  He said he doesnt watch much TV, yet he knows about a lot of shows.  I asked if there are brewries in his area and stated it is fun to try different local beers.  He said he didnt drink beer, yet he knows a lot about different kinds of beer.  I dont know much about name brand beers.  but I do admit that I like to try different local handmade ones.  This may happen about three times a year.  All I can say is it was very awkward this visit with him.  So as always, after the initial point of me trying to be social, I just quit talking.  I feel I just should just keep my mouth shut eveywhere I go.  Except to just talk about what the Bible says and talk about Jesus.  I used to be funny and people liked being around me.  People used to talk to me all the time because I was a good listener.  I still am.  I love talking with people and hearing them tell stories or share what is on their hearts.  But people seem to shun me now.  I dont know what happened to make me stop being a talker.  I love people but they dont seem to like me back.  This is how I feel.  I am being very honest!  I need help in healing from some hurt I guess. 

Over and over

If a topic or a verse or a lesson keep coming up over and over, then this means that God is trying to teach you a lesson.  I am so disturbed by all the evil and hate in the world.  It breaks my heart.  But God does not want me to dwell on it.  We live in a fallen world!! All we can do is pray, teach others about Jesus and serve others just as Jesus served.  Today in Sunday School we talked about how precious we are to God.  When we are His through Jesus Christ, no one can "mess " with us.  If they do, HE will deal with them.  I found so much comfort in this.  We just need to keep doing what is right and not grow weary doing so.  We need to just keep our eyes focused on Jesus.  I am in a lawsuit and the young man tells so many lies.  We keep to the truth.  Telling the truth makes it easier to go through.  But twice, I have lost.  A friend of mine said that we will be experts at this final appeal.  I think she is right.  We will be more prepared.  I admit he is due something and my goal was for the court to decide what we owe him.  He is very frustrated because he having to fight to get money that he claims we owe him.  He won big time in the last appeal, but was very upset because we said we were appealing it again.  I have that right.  All I keep thinking is, "He started it"   I truly think he did not know what he was getting himself into when he filed the lawsuit.  I found confort in knowing that God will deal with him.  We will go this last and final round and speak the truth, set an offer on the table and let the judge decide.  This last time I will ready for the battle.  I am not scared! 

    In Sunday School, we also talked about people who are lost , people that we know.  I know of a group of people who are in the same family.  They make me so angry.  They judge me and tell me I am wrong in how I think.  I have been getting bolder in stating my opinions on their life styles.  Before I would just quote what the Bible said about different things.  I should not get so angry.  But ..But but!  They seem to prosper!!  Or get their way from enablers.  They complain about how unhappy they are! IT'S BECAUSE YOU NEED JESUS!!! I want to yell at them.   Yes, I should feel sad for them.  All I can do is keep trying to teach them about Jesus.  Dont give up.   The class leader said that maybe some time something we say may spark something in the lost and they will want to know more.  One person in my life told me she wanted the peace that I had.  This person was the most evil person I knew on this earth, other than satan himself.  I thought there was no hope for her.  I still dont trust her, but she has made a complete turn around with her life.  I am happy for her.  Praise the Lord!!  She found a church that she loves.  She has been reading her Bible and it has powerful meaning to her.  God had proven to me that there is hope for everyone! I should not give up on anyone.  Thank you Lord.

JUST MOVE ON...WALK AWAY..TIME FOR A CHANGE...SEASONS CHANGE...

      Wow!  Has it been a year.  God has blessed us.  We are so thankful!  A year ago we were deparate.  My husband sold his truck so we could pay our bills.  I was very sad to see the truck go.  It was a nice truck, Ford F150.   But when this money was gone, we had nothing.  I worried.  I prayed.  It was suggested to ask our church to help us...after all the 5th Sundays offering was for helping others in need.  I thought we would qualify. We were "members"  It was all in God's hands and we went through the policies set by the church for helping others.  it didnt work out as I had thought it would.  Which is sometimes happens.  God doesnt answer prayers exactly like we think He will.   We did get a lot of food, so I guess this is how they saw fit to help us.   I was hurt.  I was kind of angry.  My dad, went to his bank and took out a loan to help us out.  I didnt think he should have had to do that.  Oh well.  Anyway, all of this is behind us.  The church is a wonderful church with wonderful people.  The pastor and his family are very good people.  Not all churches are the same, that is why there are so many churches and people just have to find one that they fit in with.  To me, a church should feel like family.  This is what I wanted.  Anyway,  we found a little church that I am very happy in.  My husband and son are happy there too.  I love watching it grow.  We are family!!  I think God was telling me to just move on...walk away..time for a change.  We have seasons at churches too.  I miss a lot at my previous church.  But I am so happy at my new church.  Thank you Lord.  My husband got a good job and has been with the job for a year.  Things are looking up.  We are slowly getting debts paid off. 

    Today I was thinking about all of this and realized that God gives us second chances and it is ok to "start over"    I truly believe He was in control of the whole situation and it was his plan for us to leave and go to another church.  I think back to my first marriage.  So rocky and stressful at times.  God just took me out of that marriage (my husband passed away)  and allowed me to start new.  A new life.  He brought me my new husband and now I am trying so hard to not make mistakes.  My past is gone and I am in a new season of life.  God has been good to me though all my seasons.  I take with me many lessons learned.  A lot of growth...but He's  not done with me yet!!  I feel qualified to teach and serve others in the area of the ministries of Abortion, Pregnancy, Parenthood, marriage to an abuser/unbeliever, and addiction.  I am not the addicted one (unless you can say I am addicted to donuts.  And donuts are a "no no" with diabetes)  I am still learning about addictions and about diabetes.  I want to be very educated in these two areas.   I am not bitter about my past.  I do need to confess though that I am still harboring anger towards my late husbands family.  They are all so lost.  All of them!  I pray God helps me with this.  Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you.  Until next time....God bless you and your day and your family.

LITTLE LESSONS

The Holy Bible says in many places that we cannot serve the world and God.  You cant be luke warm!  You cant serve two masters.  I keep seeing this message over and over.  I dont think I serve two masters, but perhaps I am.  I need to search myself.  I need to search the Holy Words for more information.  I just want to teach others that you should not preach Jesus and then go out to a bar, get drunk and commit fornication or adultry and then think "I am ok, I am a Christian and I will be forgiven"  this is NOT the right attitude.I am trying to teach this to a friend.    A Christian should want to please God. But we are human and make mistakes.  We should not keep making the same mistakes over and over. 

I came across some verses that really jumped out at me.  I want to share them with you. 

Isaiah 55:2  "Why do you  spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy?  Listen carefully to ME, and eat what is good and delight yourself in abundance."  

Why do we spend money on food that is not good for us? Or for other things that are not good for us.  What a waste!!

Proverbs 3:6  " In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight"   

  This whole chapter is good advice.  Put God first in everything you do!!

Luke 22:27  "For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves?   it not the one who reclines at the table?  But I am among you as the one who serves"  

Jesus came to teach and to serve.  We should follow his example.  Serve one another!  Edify one another!  We are not to wait for others to wait (serve) us!.  This is selfish!!

MAYBE IT IS THE RAIN!

   I am just so sad today.  Teary.  Yesterday someone that I hadn't seen in a while asked what I had been up to.  My mind went BLANK!  I had no answer except to say, "Nothing"  I feel I don't do a darn thing with my life.  Truth is I feel people would not approve or they would judge me for not doing what they think I should be doing.  Today I have a headache and just feel worthless.  Maybe it is just the dreary rainly day.   When people ask me questions I  don't have an answer.  Maybe this is why I am losing in court.  I dont have questions for Wesley and when asked questions, I dont have a "good" answer.   Devoting my life to my family is what I do.  But I feel people think I should be out in the world doing things,,,being active.  I want to get my home in order.  I pray for the hurt..since I cant "DO" anything but pray.  I write my thoughts down, which is something I love doing,   I want to serve God.  I want to worship God.  I want to Glorify God all day long.  I want my life to be a light for God.  I want to share the importance of the Bible and share that God gave us Jesus to cover our sins.  Because of Jesus we are forgiven for our shame.   I love my family so much.  Each one of my children, their spouses, my grandchildren, my dad, my brother and my husband are my encouragers.  I had tears of joy today because my daughter in law is just a loving and wonderful person.   I feel blessed.  But I also have sad tears because I dont feel good and I am so dang lazy!!  In MY eyes, I am lazy,  I should be active all day.  Not sitting down at all.  Sleep 7 hours and up and do what I w ant to get done!  I need to do better with my health.  I try and it's not better.  I hurt and my doctor doesnt seem to care.  But I feel I am using my conditions as an excuse for just sitting in front of the computer or the tv.   Well That's it for today. 

HODGE PODGE

I just dont get it!

Verse about I was only kidding verbally abuse.  TO BE CONTINUED LATER ON.....




Prayers and puppies Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 3:53pm ·



So much comfort and peace when you pray about stressful times. It seems things happen at the same time..overwhelming me. Prayer brings comfort. My mommy dog got away from me while I holding her on her leash. The two puppies ran after her. She and one puppy came home. The other is lost : ( I found someone who has a lot of land on a farm who will take all the girls. This is an answer to prayer. But I am so sad that "Bug" is lost..trying to find her way home. Lord please bring my puppy home.



Changes need to be made.
 Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 1:54pm

I have to confess. My life is what I have always dreamed of, but I am not using it to the glory of God. He gave me a gift and I am wasting it. I could blame it on health, but ..ohh maybe God is telling me to rest. After all the doctor told me to get more sleep. Truth is I dont sleep a straight 7/8 hours. I sleep in periods of 2 to 4 hours at a time in the 24 hour day. adding up to more than 8 hours a day. I need to quit whining, ignore the pain, eat right, sleep right (but do you know that last night the dogs slept through the night? all of them..so I got a good nights sleep last night) and I need to just active and do what God has put on my heart to do for my family. I say NO! to tiredness and NO! to procrastination! Do it NOW! Do it God's way. Flee Satan! Begone!!
I have to confess that I am on facebook way too much. I have to change my ways. I guess it is true that I need to "get a life" It just gets kind of lonesome being home day after day with no one to talk to. Facebook is my friend. : ) I few more days and I think I deactivate this account. I will limit my time to once a day for a total of 10 minutes. August 15 will be when I delete my account.

I think it is cabin fever

　

So sad ..the fatalities on the highways. I had to call 911 on a tractor trailor who was tailgating me in the right lane and then HE PASSED ME GOING OVER THE SPEED LIMIT! ON THE RIGHT! WHERE THIS IS NO ROAD!. He was going so fast and it was dark that I couldnt get the liscence number. He also went into the left lane cutting a car off and the car had to swerve! But it was an easy truck to identify by the lights and the cargo. I hope they got him.

Forgiveness_____came across this poem, the message is that God forgives us of our pasts. As long as we change our foolish ways and live HIS way.

MY EMI

She waits for me

She plays in happiness

She is how all little girls should be

I didn't take that away

My baby Emi

She is looked upon with love and joy

She is so beautiful she shines

She is full of perfect love

I didn't take that away

My little girl Emi

She sits on the lap of Jesus (He said let the little children come to me)

She is loved by Him

She is the joy in Jesus' eyes

I didn't take that away

My daughter Emi

She saw my pain, guilt and shame

She knows God still loves me

She knew I would be forgiven

I didn't take that away

My child Emi

She knows her waiting will be over one day

She waits for my loving arms to hold her

She will know me right away and run to me

I didn't take that away

My angel Emi

Emi Rose is dancing in Heaven wearing a beautiful yellow dress.

Laurie Kemper 2011

psalm 25

1. *[A Psalm] of David.* Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. 2. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. 3. Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause. 4. Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths. 5. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou [art] the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day. 6. Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they [have been] ever of old. 7. Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord. 8. Good and upright [is] the Lord: therefore will he teach sinners in the way. 9. The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way. 10. All the paths of the Lord [are] mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies. 11. For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity; for it [is] great. 12. What man [is] he that feareth the Lord? him shall he teach in the way [that] he shall choose. 13. His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth. 14. The secret of the Lord [is] with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant. 15. Mine eyes [are] ever toward the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net. 16. Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I [am] desolate and afflicted. 17. The troubles of my heart are enlarged: [O] bring thou me out of my distresses. 18. Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins. 19. Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred. 20. O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee. 21. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee. 22. Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

　

This is dedicated to Jeff. He kept trying to get me to listen to the song. He said it was the perfect song that expressed how he felt in his addiction. But I was too angry to really listen to the song until after he was gone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkzoqQ5Oak

MY PHILOSOPHY

my philosophy

I. It takes some meditation time (Time with God at the top of that mountain) All this goes along with the verse in the Bible about laying up treasures. I feel this includes the meaning of only having in our possession the things that we really need or cherish for our purpose in life, our goals and our roles. And all these need to be glorifying to God. My motto is " Do it Gods way". Read the Bible and do what it says! Every thing we need to know in life and how to live our lives is in the Bible. It is so simple. It is just hard to organize what the Bible says into a particular topic. Also that everything! we do should be glorifying to God. Every word out of our mouths should be glorifyingto God edifying others and building up others. serving others.

Opinion or Judging??

We all can have opinions but we must be careful that we are not judging others. Sometimes though opinions are for correction. Anyway what a person says to another should be said in love, not to hurt. to be continued..come back and read more : )

God's Crayons

God's Crayons

by Laurie Russell Kemper on Thursday, October 6, 2011 at 2:33pm ·

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

GOD'S CRAYONS

As I stand, I see the work of our Heavenly Father
The delicate petals of the flowers
Whites, yellows, reds, and oranges
The mighty trees
Wonderfully put together
With branches of changing leaves.
Browns, yellows, reds, greens and oranges.
The grass that grew so tall after a summer rain,
Is now getting ready for the coolness of autumn
Greens, yellows, and browns
The magnificent sky
The paintwork of God
Deep dark to the palest hint of blues,
Dotted with fluffy clouds
and wispy paintbrush lines of white.
Blues and whites
The warm sun shines so bright
enhancing the beauty of what I see.
Yellows, reds, purples, browns, blues, greens, and oranges
As the Yellow sun decends.
God shows us His colors
Pink, purple, yellow, and reds
that light up the sky with such perfection.
Further desention of the orange sun,
The sky transforms to the midnight blue of night
Blues and blacks
With a circle of white shining down with a cool breeze around me.
God's Crayons
God's Art
God's beauty
All made for us.
Laurie Kemper 10/06/11

Let Go!!

Let Go!!

by Laurie Russell Kemper on Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 5:40pm ·

Let go! Let go! Let it go!!! she screams in her head.
Whether it was good or bad,
If it is weighing you down,
Hold you back,
Keeping you from moving on,
Let it go!!
With everyone that we lose,
We either have joyful memories.
Or we have memories of hurt and pain.
Let it go and move on.
For those who lost the one who brought happiness.
Keep those memories safe in your heart,
Let go of the sadness of their leaving.
For the ones who have painful memories.
Of how someone brought hurt upon them.
forget the heartache, forgive the person.
You cant change the past.
Reflect on the good in them,
Let go of the pain and Move on!
Stop letting the past hold you down,
Stop letting the evil on have a foothold on your life
Forgive what has happened,
the burdon will be lifted.
God is in control and always has been.
Let it go! Let it go! Let it go! and be Free!
Live your life knowng that you are a child of God.
Let go of the boat!!!! Laurie, Let go!!
Leave it in the box, You gave it to God.
Be free and happy. Joy in the Lord.

11-10-11

This was me! I am quiet..but no wait! Perhaps I do talk to much.

I am reminded of a story.
There was a lady, Isabell, who was very quiet and only spoke when she had something important to say. She was a great listener and many people shared their woes with her and would ask her to pray for them.
Another lady (Abigail) was going to start a Bible study in her home. She invited a lot of people and did a lot of planning. One day a lady (Sally) asked Abigail who all was coming to the Bible study. Abigail went down the list of names of those who had committed to coming. She named off Isabell and Sally yelled out (sarcasticly)" oh no! You will never get her to shut up!" Well Abigail didnt know Isabell at all. She knew who she was and they had spoke common courtisies in passing. When Abigail saw Isabell, she took Isabell to the side and told her that in order for the Bible study to go well and that everyone have a chance to share, she wanted her to not dominate the conversations and allow others to talk. You know what Isabell did? She did not speak the entire Bible study. Her feelings were so hurt that the little bit she had talked in prior Studies, were concitered "too much" Sally should not have said what she said, even if she was kidding or being scarastic. Abigail took her as telling the truth. It is just amazing sometimes how communication or what people say can cause so much trouble. Just be careful in your words. There are many many MANY verses in the Bible on watching our tongues.

YES I DO WORK!! or do I??

It seems like lately many people have asked me, "Where do you work" or "What do you do" I am not good at responding with an intellegent answer. I normally say, "I dont do anything, just stay home and take care of the house, my family, and am available if my kids, grandkids, dad or brother need me" But my job (which I got from the Bible) is a helpmate (wife) to my husband. We have one car and so I am his transportation to and from work. This works for us. I cant work a full time job or even a regular part time job, because I have to be available for Paul (my hubby) His schedule is so unpredictable. Sometimes I have to be up in the middle of the night for him. I am very happy with my job as a wife and mother. I do sub for the Wake County Public School System and I love this job too. I dont do it everyday or even once a week. The jobs I take all depend on my husbands schedule or if I have something to do with the kids or my dad. The down side to my husbands job , is we cant plan anything. I can't commit to anything. Also, if he does occationally have some time off, we spend it together. Like one day this past week, he had some time to spare so we went to the museum. I have had some guilty feelings because I dont work outside the home. I dont have young kids to stay home with. I was beginning to think, " What is my good reason for not working?" and feeling bad because I dont have a job. We are just praising God that Paul has a good job now. For a couple of years he didnt have one. I did sub more back then. We would sell stuff to make money. Workmans comp didnt pay all the bills. I was so sad when Paul sold his truck so we could live. This is why we are down to one vehicle.
I take what people say to me at heart. No I am not old enough to be retired. Yes if I worked we would have more money..but we are fine. Yes, If I worked, it would take the full burden off of Paul to to provide all the money. BUT this is how we want our lives to go. The man provides for his family. We are happy. God has provided. I am blessed to be able to work at home, running a household, being available if my children need me, if my grandchildren need me and if my dad needs me. But more importantly, I am a helpmate to my husband. He comes first, he knows he can depend on me and he is happy in his marrage to me.

Just Ideas...Yeah, Ideas

I spend a lot of time planning and making lists.  My daughter even gave me a book of lists! : ) Then I bought two more books.  Various types of lists.  Interesting.  Anyway...My goal for many MANY years has been to get rid of "stuff"  in my house and my barn.  My late husband was a pack rat and I have a hard time "letting go"  of stuff.  Especially the kids stuff.  My kids are 30, 25 and 16.  That means when my youngest is 18, I will have been raising kids for 33 years!!!  Ok..Well anyway, I am trying to simplify my life with less stuff, so as the years go on, I am better at "letting go" of baby stuff, kids stuff, late husbands stuff, my mom's stuff and my stuff.  When I married Paul, we combined two households and that added more STUFF!.   Ok..I spend a lot of time planning how to do this BIG project.  I will tell you that I have gotten rid quite a bit.  I have sold stuff, donated stuff, given stuff away and tossed stuff.  You know the Bible says to simplify our lives.  Life should not be complicated.  We should not have so much stuff or be so busy that we take our eyes off Jesus or so we dont have time for Jesus.  The Bible is full of how we should live so that we can serve others and keep our eyes on Jesus.  I seem to go off in tangents.  Now you may understand why I dont get much done.  Back to the main point of this letter.  I spend a lot of time planning! how to get rid of my stuff and how to be organized.  I have so many magazines and books to help me.   But I seem to come up with my own ideas.  I am now trying to figure out which one will work the best for me.   1)  Just list what I want to do and then DO IT!! adding to the list.  I call this "list as I go"  2) Write stuff on a calendar (I have a calendar and a datebook)  I have to write everything down! I have little sticky notes stuck inside my datebook and in my purse of things I write down as I think of things to do.  I have many pads of sticky notes and lists pads. That I get at the dollar store.  I also buy cute colorful pens at the dollar store.  I love pens that are different colors.  I love colorful paper too.  Here I go again..down a tangent.   3)  A small file box with small file folders. One for each room in the house, the yard, the car, and the barn, storage room and storage building.  On index cards I list everything that needs to done in that area.  4)  I have a blank calendar (that I got from the dollar store!)  I call this "Day and Date"   I label the top, "Months starting on Monday" and have a calendar for each day of the week.  On the dates I write down a room or an area.  This is the "room of the day"
Sundays are always fun, family and rest days.  5) Then I have the list of what to do on each day of the week.  Mondays...laundry, floors,  etc... Tuesdays.... and so one (this one does not work for me..just like having a set menu for each day of the week.  My former mother in law  did this and I found it boring.  Monday was her steak day, Tuesday pork, Wednesday...chicken   Thursday....  Stew Beef,   Friday..fish  ,Saturday...burgers and hotdogs and Sundays...pasta.  Now that I think about it..it would make shopping easy and it would help in the "what's for dinner?"  AND there are so many variables for each thing.  6)  This seems to be my favorite and I think I will use this plan. 
I got a teacher grade book (Yes from the dollar store!!!  I am serious!)  In the place of the students names, I write my list of everything I want to do in one day.  In the little squares, I use them  for short notes and to check off what I did.   Here is my list of what to accomplish each day.  I dont want to do everything on the list, but hit them all at least in a weeks time.  Some are everyday things.  I also realize that things come up, so I am very flexable. 

Bible/Pray/ Bible study
Serve or encourage others
Check datebook/check calendar
$/Bills/update
Files/office
Room of the day
Cards for room of the day
Fly (from flylady site)
One box from barn
bsc ea room (basic each room)
check sub jobs/check wcpss job openings
w/d/v (wash, dishes, vacuum)
blog
computer/delete
exersize/diet/meds/blood
project
dogs
Paul's requests (or if I knotice that he is irritated by something that is not cleaned up..attack this!)
donate/sell
read
movie/watch recorded
Eli drive
shower/dress/jewelry
picture project
birthday project
consolidate Bibles
Go through cds/dvds
family
cook/bake
sew/sell
my clothes project
court/wesley preparation
sleep (at least 7 hours)
eat
sticky notes
catch up..whew!!!

I figured if I work on a project..little steps...a little each day..eventually the job will get done.  Also the more I do in all areas, the less there will be to do as time goes on. 

NOW, I just need to do this.  I have to confess that I spend way too much time on the computer and in front of the tv.  I need to be accountable for this.  

What is MY mission in life??

First of all, forgive me if I repeat myself.  I am back again to wondering what I should be doing to serve others and glorify God.  People say to think about what your passion is in life and  do something related.  People say to use your past or your life lessons.  People say to use what you are good at.  People say...People say..  But what does God say??  I have been praying and searching scripture.  To be still and listen..listen for God's answer.  Be still..be quiet.  When overwhelmed in a state of panic someone told me to just be still and quiet and do nothing! for 24 hours.  That was good advice.  Ok, back to being still and quiet.  My heart aches for all the pain and suffering in the world.  I am one of these people who wants to do something about all of it.  There is even a song out now about this very thing.  But I need to listen more carefully to all the words.  All I know is this is a fallen world.  There is a lot of hate, anger and pain in the world.  That is why we need Jesus.  Jesus didnt save everyone..we cant either.  We can only take care of ourselves and share Jesus with those we come in contact with.  People that God puts in our lives on a day to day basis.  Our family, our co workers, our friends, and people we run into when out and about in the world.  So what is my mission in life.  What are my roles and goals?  Some good advice is to start my day out with some quiet personal time with God.  In prayer and in the Bible.  Being still and quiet and just listening.  Pray about my day! 

I have taken classes on various topics related to trying to figure out what to do.  There was one on being overloaded.  There was one on boundries, one on goals and roles and one about "what's in your hand."    Now to just apply what I have learned.  Being overloaded...dont look ahead..just take care of what is in front of you right now!  Boundries...keep your boundries and dont let anyone cause you to step over them and let them step into yours.  It is ok to say "no".  We are not door mats.   We know ourselves better than others know us.  Speak up and tell someone if they are in your space.   Goals and roles..think on what these are.  Think on goals that you have for yourself.  Think on your roles in life.  My main goal is to get my home in shape so that is a safe haven for my friends and family.  That is glorifies God!  Get rid of all unuseful stuff.  I need to "let go" of stuff.  I want to clean out my barn.  I want a place for everything and keep everything in its place.  I want everything in my life and home to be organized!!!  and clean!  My roles are wife, mommy, grammy, daughter, sister and friend.  

So now some other things that I can think about to help me figure out my life service.  What are my passions?  I hate mistreatment of animals and people.  I love babies!  I love to bake.  I love movies and I love writing.   I love children!!!! and puppies. 

What about my past or my life lessons?  I am ashamed of my past.  But I have learned so much.  I can relate to those who have had abortions.  Being in an unyoked marriage and in an abusive marriage.  Having a drug addict husband.  Being abandoned.  Being promiscuious. 

What am I good at?  I think I am a good mother and grandma.  I love to send cards to encourage.  But I really dont know what I am good at.  I have failed at most things that I have tried to do to honor and glorify and serve God.  Being in a prayer group.  Working at a crisis pregnancy center. Leading a Bible study.  I failed because I was never asked to do things again.  I was not given a good evaluation.  '
I really want God to tell me what I am good at.  I want God to tell me what to do with my life.  Is working at home taking care of everyone and being available really enough in life?   Is this enough for God??  These are the questions I have and I will be quiet, still and wait for God's answer.  I will listen. 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Matthew 22:37–39
Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' (NKJV)
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ... (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (NIV)
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (NIV)
Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)
Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (NIV)
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (NIV)
1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (NIV)
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV)
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)

Thankful for so many reasons. My praises out number the problems in my life. It seems like it is just one bad thing after another, but God is in control. All I have to do is pray for His help and " worship while I wait". Satan wants me to fret, worry and drive myself crazy sick. But Jesus wants me to be peaceful.

My problem is that when things go wrong, I dwell on the sadness of it.  I hang on to the hurt.  On the flip side, when the good, happy things occure I am not joyful.  I am not trusting.  I just feel the good thing will go away or it wasn't true.  I need to work on this!  Lord help me.

More Thoughts

Everyone has their choise of what kind of church they want to go to.  I have found that I dont care for the massive huge churches.  They dont have a "family" feel and I would like to know most of the people who attend the church I go to.  I dont care either for the church were the preacher is in another town and his sermons are sent to smaller churches where people sit and watch a screen.  I want a church that teaches the truth and that my children are safe in.  I also want a church where my children are happy.  There is nothing wrong with everyone attending the church they are happy with.  I think it is fun to grow with a church.  Start small.  I once said that a church I attended just got to big..to many people..and it lost it's family feel.  But there is nothing wrong with that at all.  This church is doing great things for the Lord.  I lift them in prayer! I left another church because my children and I did not fit in.  My husband didnt attend church and out marriage was not the best (the word for it was abusive) I dont think people knew how to treat me or what to say to me.   I was not a stay home mom , nor did I home school.  My daughter was a "problem" child and another mother said she did not want her daughter knowing kids like my daughter.  She had every right to protect her daughter.  That was fine.  We moved on (after 11 years)  My son had a learning disability and could not read well.  The girls in his sunday school class, teased him.  So we moved on to a church where the children were accepting of him.  This same church was accepting of my daughter.  We stayed at this church for many years (9 or 10) until it just got to big for me.  

Favorites

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9RqVRBtjM4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mCq_SJqeJI


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoKdQOY2NWI

Yes, I Am a Complainer

Yes, I am a complainer.  My dad used to tell me to stop complaining.  When I was young, I didn't know what he meant.  The older I get the more I understand what complaining is...grumbling.  The other day I was complaining to God that I am a failure.  I feel I have failed at parenthood because my children have given in to peer pressure and done things they should not have done.  Thankfully and praise God, they learned very quickly a hard lesson.  I feel if my children fail in school that I am to blame.  I should be on top of everything.  I should know how they are doing in school.  I should make sure they do their homework. But there is a name for parents these days who are alway on top of their children's lives, hovering, circling, controling...they are called "Helicoptor Parents"   But truth is, I do feel I fail at everything I do.  I will volunteer to do something and am never asked to do it again.  Or I will try so hard to be perfect and then when evaluated, I am critisized for the thing that I tried so hard to be perfect at.  For example, I prided myself in being on time for a volunteer job that I had.  I had to drive a 40 minute commute to get to this place.  Sometimes there was road construction.  Sometims there was bad weather.  But I was on time! Twice I was held up and so I called to let the director know I was going to be late.  When I had my yearly evaluation, the only negative thing she noted was that I had a hard time getting to my job on time.  So, I gave up and worked the next week and then quit.  Yes, I am a quitter.  A failure. A complainer.   But God still loves me.  He can help me.  He can change my self talk into love talk.  People have  hurt me all my life, but God has always been good.  I love people.  I love being around people.  I am a people pleaser.  But I find that I am not trusting of people.  People have let me down so many times.  When I was 10 my best friend's babysitter's husband slapped me very hard across my face.  Out of the blue...WHACK!  ( I think it was because I didn't ask if I could use their bathroom.  I just came in and was walking towards the bathroom and SMACK!)  I was numb..I didnt cry.  I left.  Well a year later this man's son committed suicide.   When I was 10 two boys in my class came over to my house and chased me and beat me up.  They jumped on my back.  I didnt cry.  I didnt say anything ever.  When I was 14, two boys that I knew come to see me.  We went for a walk in my neighborhood (I lived in apartments)  All of the sudden one of the boys grabbed me and the other boy (these boys were 16 and 17)  ripped my shirt  (I was crying and saying "no! Stop!" and there were people walking by and didnt even stop them..they just looked and watched) and tried to pull my pants down.  I kicked and yelled  so much that they left.  When I was 16, a boy that I really liked, out of the blue started choking me.  His little sister watched.  I couldnt breath and was getting lightheaded.  I could not get his hands off my neck.  He finally just stopped.  My life has not been one of the trouble free ones.  I have a very shameful past.  I was pregnant out of wedlock twice.  The first baby is in heaven with Jesus.  The second is now 30 and she is one of my pride and joys.  I wanted a baby, so I made it happen which led to me marrying.  I settled.  I did not wait for God to find me a husband.  I had been dating this man for four years.  He was the father of ALL my children.  But he was a drug addict.  Most years were good.  We were married for 24 years when he abandoned us to live on the streets with addicts.  He lived one more year..very sick  and then God took me out of the marriage.  Sometime I will write more on this story.  I had no intentions of getting married again.  I was so happy being free. But God had other plans for me. 

  Yep, I had a hard life.  Some Christians have had an easy life.  So I feel they  don't understand completely how amazing God's love is.  How HE can turn bad things into good things.  How HE blesses and forgives.  I know I am forgiven and this is what keeps me going when people judge me or think badly of me.  But I am wrong to judge them.   We are all children of God.  Brothers and sisters. 

     The parents of my late husband and his sister, have not made my life or my children's life easy.  They blame me for a lot of  what my late husband did.  I didnt let him in the house..I had to protect myself and my boys.  I didnt give him money.  His mother told me that the money I earned that supported the family for many years, was his money too.  Oh sure, give him money for drugs and not feed the boys..or pay the electric bill.  Was she nuts!  I still have resentments and it is hard for me to go to their house.  My children dont want to go over to their house because of the way they treated me.  But since my late husband died, my reactions are different towards them.  I pray for protection.   But I also have something to say to everything they have to say to me.  I just tell them what the Bible says.  Ohhh, they were angry that I got married.  But the Bible told me to ( I was a young widow).    I still need help with anger towards them. 
    My former sister in law was the most evil person I knew.  But I was bold and didnt back down on what I believe the Bible was telling me.  She would argue and tell me everything I said was wrong.  Her life was turmoil...drugs, anger, hate, rage, crime, lies...that was her life.   About a month ago, she called me and told me that she wanted the peace that I had.  She said she had been reading the Bible.  She was full of questions.  She wished her children were good citizens like my children.  She wished she was close to her parents like I am close to my dad.  She wanted to feel love and give love.  She learned that Jesus is the way and they He will heal her.  
   I used to be critisied by these people for hugging my kids.  They didnt like it that I didnt yell or respond with anger.  The Bible says to have a quiet spirit, to bless those who hurt you, to tell others what the Bible says, and just keep your eyes on HIM.  Sometime we dont understand why God tells us to do something and we feel "this wont work",  but if you do everything God's way...it will turn out so good.  I praise God for   hearing my prayers for my former sister in law.  There was a time I hated her.  She was the only person on this earth that I truly hated (other than satan), but God changed my heart and my attitude changed.  God showed me that he can change someone..there is hope for everyone.  We should just pray for our enemies.  Pray and not judge.    Yep, I need to stop complaining.  It doesnt accomplish anything!!